Cerise bit her lip. “I never knew him. He died before I was born.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. And it spilled over into my dating life. I always seemed to attract the men who were looking to climb the ranks, or who were close with my mother and could further their career or my own in some way. It was exhausting.”
“And they didn’t call you beautiful?”
“Not like you did. And Ambrose never did. Come to think of it, he never really said anything nice to me. Put me down most of the time. But it was so subtle, and I was so focused on my job, I didn’t really notice it. At first he took me to fancy dinners, wining and dining me. But he only complimented my achievements. Notme. Not who I was as a person. Only what I could do for him.”
“Oh, Cerise. Ambrose is an absolute fuckwit.”
She gasped, her eyes widening. “You shouldn’t speak like that.”
“Do you disagree?”
Her face fell. “No.” She was silent for a long time, rubbing the last of the flowers on her ankles before tossing them aside. “Remember when you asked me if he ever hit me?”
I tensed.Surely not.“Yes…”
“Well, he almost did. That’s when I broke up with him.”
I tried to tame the anger working its way into my chest. “What do you mean ‘he almost did?’ What happened?”
“He’d had a bad day at work, and didn’t like the way I had made dinner. He started to berate me and say all sorts of terrible things. And usually, I would just apologize and fix it, because I didn’t want to deal with his attitude. But this time I pushed back. I don’t even remember what I said to him. All I remember was one moment he was yelling, the next his fist went through the wall.”
“Fuck. Cerise. He doesn’t still work at Silverleaf with you, does he?” I clutched my fists. I was not a violent person, but I had the sudden urge to deck Ambrose square in the jaw the next time I saw him.
“No. He left not long after that incident. He was humiliated by me breaking up with him.” She smiled a little at that. “He doesn’t respond well to not getting his way.”
I reached out and grasped her hand. “I’m glad you left that bastard. And remember this. You are not defined by your accomplishments. None of that matters. The only thing that matters in life is that you’re happy. So find what makes you happy. The things you’ve always wanted to do but never did because they weren’t ‘proper’ or it didn’t put you on a certain path. Life is much too short to live for others’ expectations, sunshine.” I squeezed her hand and looked into her violet eyes. “Chase your joy and don’t be ashamed of it.”
Chapter 17
Bloodsucking Monsters
Cerise
Chase your joy and don’t be ashamed of it.
I couldn’t get those words out of my head. Ever since Liam had said it a couple of days ago, I longed for it. To chase my joy. But now, I didn’t even know what that was anymore. Did I find joy in my work? Yes, but it wasn’t enough. Relationships? I’d never found true joy in those. What about friendships? Absolutely. But Emberly and her wife were my only true friends. I had no family besides my mother. Did I find joy in her? Never.
Wow, I really am pathetic, aren’t I?
“You’re in your head, sunshine,” Liam said as we pushed through the dense underbrush.
“Am I?”
“You are.” He reached out his hand, helping me over a tangle of vines.
“Just concerned we will be lost in the jungle forever and never find our way back.”
“Maybe that would be fun.”
“What?” I shook my head at him in amusement.
“Just imagine it.” He waved his hands in the air. “The rigid Doctor Thornheart and the ludicrous Doctor Pendragon living in the jungle. We’ll make our home in a cave you will havemeticulously cleaned and organized somehow. I will entertain us both with daily adventures where we climb trees and bathe in hot springs and decorate the cave with our collection of feathers and flowers.”
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “You are utterly ridiculous.”
