"You’re putting this on me. I didn't ask her to touch my arm and I didn't ask for the photo to happen."
"I know. But you also didn't stop it, Rhonda. Because everybody thinks you’re single."
"Stop, Lena. I need to be there, I can't fix this on a phone call."
"I don't want you to fix it on a phone call. I want you to acknowledge that what we have, it's broken. You asking me to hide is asking me to lie."
There's a long pause.
"I'm sorry," she says.
"That's not enough," I say.
"I know."
"I don't know what to do here. Nobody knows about me. I can't even say anything because officially we're nothing.”
"We're not nothing."
"Aren't we? What are we, then? Tell me."
She doesn't answer.
"Yeah. That's what I thought. And the worst part is that I chose this. I agreed to this. So this is also my fault and I hate that. I hate myself for saying yes."
I hang up before she can respond.
CHAPTER 14
THE COTTAGE
I had to force myself to pack for the retreat.
Toothbrush: the one from Lena's bathroom mug, which I took back last time I was there. Bass: in the case, zipped, the only thing in my life that always cooperates. Hoodie: the one that smells like her apartment—laundry detergent and coffee.
I text Lena:Hey babe, I’m leaving at six.
She replies:Safe drive.
I love you.
Ten minutes later:
I love you too.
The van is cramped with five people and their instruments. Sandy's in the back with her guitar case and a bag of snacks. Jeremy's driving and singing. Ana's shotgun with her phone, scrolling through playlists like she's in her own peaceful world. Jo brought Rebecca with her, and is sitting in the middle row.I'm behind Jeremy, window seat, watching the city give way to suburbs give way to countryside.
Nobody talks about the fight because nobody knows there was a fight.
Jeremy watches me in the rearview mirror.
"Rhonda, you okay?"
"I'm alright."
Jeremy raises his eyebrow.
"I'm here if you want someone to chat with," he says.
