“I’m just going to stay somewhere else.But I’ll try my best to come and see you.”
“I want to come with you,” he demands, pouting.
“I wish you could, but you can’t.And besides, you’ll miss all your friends, and what about the sisters?”
“I don’t care!”he stubbornly cries.“I want to go with you.”
“I know that you do, but you can’t.”
My heart is breaking.I know how it feels to lose someone you love.
“Will you visit?”He senses my resolve, but still, he perseveres.
“I’ll try my very best.”And that’s the truth.I don’t know if I’ll ever be allowed back on the church grounds.
His lower lip trembles.He’s too young to understand.Perhaps when he’s older, I can find him and explain.But now, I just feel like I’ve contributed to fucking up his already fragile childhood.
“I’m sorry, Ronnie.I’ll always remember you.”I am trying my best to keep it together, but words escape me, and everything I say just sounds like excuses.
“No, don’t go!”he screams, and when Sister Jessie attempts to take him from me, he clings on tighter.
She’s clearly upset, but just following instructions.There are no hard feelings.I understand.
“Shh.It’s okay.Everything will be okay.”
“No!”he bellows hysterically.
I gently attempt to unlatch his fingers from around my neck.But he holds on tighter.Eventually, Sister Jessie is forced to pry him from my arms.He kicks and screams, desperate to break free.
“Bye, Liv,” she whispers, and when a tear trickles down her cheek, my invisible tears dance with hers.
I don’t prolong the inevitable and don’t wish to make more of a scene than I already have.I quickly punch in the code and storm out the front door, nearly hyperventilating.I feel the darkness chipping away at my resolve as I hear Ronnie screaming my name.
Not looking where I’m going, I bump straight into Kit, who stands at the bottom of the stairs.
“Hey.”He steadies me with his hands on my arms.“Where’s the fire?”
I know he’s trying to downplay my apparent distress.
“Sorry, I didn’t see you.”
“I doubt you’d see the Statue of Liberty with how quickly you took those steps.Is everything all right?”
He only seems to realize I’m carrying a box.And when he sees it contains my belongings, he frowns.“What happened?”
“Mother Superior asked me to find another place to stay.”I don’t elaborate, hinting I don’t want to talk about it.
He reads between the lines.“And where is that place?”
I shrug.“I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
He grabs the box and heads to his red truck, parked by the fountain.“You can stay with me until you work your shit out,” he explains as I look at him, lost in translation.
“No, no, no, I can’t do that.”
For so many reasons.
But when he waits for me to elaborate, I explain, “I don’t want to impose.”
