“Thank God,” she gushes. “Not that I thought you would, but it’s good to hear you say it out loud. Look, you’ll be okay. Youwere brave enough to go in your own direction in your career, and you can be brave now. Plus, I’ll be here to push you back into line if you need it.”
I give her the best smile I can manage right now. Mel was there for me when I dropped out of school to do what I really wanted. If it weren’t for her unwavering support and faith in me I’m not sure I could have done it.
“So, what doyouwant?” she asks.
“I don’t want a fiancé who loves my father more than me and who I can’t trust.”
“Mm-hm.”
I look out at the ocean, at the way it stretches to the horizon, a whole world beyond it.
“I want… epic,” I announce with a newfound determination. “I want someone who pushes me to be the best version of myself. Not who they want me to be to fit in with them. Not a guy who sleeps with my friend…”
I clear my throat as the familiar scratchiness of betrayal builds in it, threatening to derail me.
“That’s it. Enough thinking about that shithead!” Mel declares, jumping up from the bed. “We’re in South African paradise. In a frigging beach bungalow, for God’s sake! Tomorrow we’re starting the day with journaling and sunrise yoga with Emmy, the instructor Declan told us about. And tonight’s our first night going to sleep with that view.” She points at the ocean. “So, we’re going to enjoy the shit out of it, okay?”
I brighten at her infectious energy. “Okay. And I, for one, am happy about meeting Emmy. I can’t imagine Declan the phone cop leading a calming journaling session.”
“Me neither. I can’t imagine him doing calm anything. Did you see his abs, though? When he changed his shirt yesterday?”
“When did he change his shirt?”
Mel waves off my question. “He had at least twelve under there. And he was flirting with you.”
“What?” I scoff. “He was not.”
“He totally was!” Her eyes light up. “You didn’t see the way he was checking you out after your little spat with him over the phones. I think it turned him on.”
“You’re crazy.” I shake my head with a laugh.
She walks over and stands beside me where I’m leaning against our open deck doors. She rests her head against my shoulder and sighs at the view.
“Let’s go for a walk. Explore a little.”
“We could walk along the beach and see how far it is back to the main hotel?” I suggest.
I perk up at the idea of locating their business center so I can log into my work account and check my emails. Declan said I wouldn’t get my phone back for a couple of days. If he thinks that’s going to fly with me, he’s in for a shock. The only reason I didn’t argue more was because his surly pal, Woody, distracted me. I’ve seen happier guys at funerals. Whatever the glaring grump was in a mood about, he seemed more than happy to project it onto me—with a glare that could stun a bear.
I really hope he isn’t leading any of the activities. I’m not sure I could refrain from asking him what his problem is if he looks at me like that again.
“Sure.” Mel shrugs happily.
We lock up our room and head out across the sand, choosing to carry our sandals and walk along the warm shoreline as the sun begins to set. The water washes over my toes like a warm blanket, and I begin to understand why Mel insisted we come here. We’re not far from Cape Town, and it really is beautiful. I’ve never been to South Africa before, but I recall Mom traveling here for a work conference a few years ago. The things she sawhere changed her forever. She never elaborated on what they were, but I know she was touched by something.
It takes around fifteen minutes at a slow pace to reach the main hotel, and even though I wanted to come here, the moment we step into the opulent open-air bar where the bartenders are shaking up cocktails to the constant hum of music and chatter, my feet slow of their own accord.
“You want to get a drink?” Mel asks.
I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the vases of flowers, heady in their scent, like the ones in the suite at The Songbird Hotel when I put my wedding dress on. Or maybe it’s the clinking of crystal glasses, reminiscent of the champagne toasts I made with Mom, Mel, Lizzie, Jessica, and Kelly half an hour before my world imploded.
Whatever it is, I’m suddenly desperate to get back to the peace and tranquility of the secluded retreat. That little slice of escape consists of a small, informal and open-air dining area where we’ll eat together, outdoor beach showers in addition to our bungalow’s private bathroom, and a few cushioned nooks where we’ve been told we’ll meditate and journal.
Our individual bungalows are spread so far apart that each one maintains its privacy. I counted three more in addition to ours on the walk here, but there must be more because Declan told us he lives in one on-site somewhere.
“You know what?” Mel fakes a yawn after catching my panicked expression. “I’m kind of beat. Mind if we head back?”
“Sounds good. I am too.” I exhale, before smiling at her gratefully. This isn’t like me at all. I feel like a fool. A pathetic fool. And I hate it.
