I swallow. Is this when he tells me he wishes I never came back? Because if it weren’t for Jude I wouldn’t have.
“We thought you were dead. We saw you die in that fire. I …”
Halliday rushes to his side and grabs his hand as he pinches the bridge of his nose and drags in a breath.
His voice wavers. “We buried you. It was the worst goddamn day of my life. Of all our lives.”
I snap my head around. Everyone in the room is either crying or looks like they’re about to.
“It was awful.” Sinclair sobs.
My brother stares at me, his arms folded. “It was hell on earth.”
“We never thought you had anything to do with what happened. It was a goddamn accident. One that’s tortured us all,” my father says, watching me closely.
Blood rushes in my ears and I look at Jude. She’s staring at everyone, her forehead creased with deep lines, her eyes swollen.
Is she hearing what I’m hearing?
“We never thought you killed your mother, Son.”
I look at my father again, at the raw, broken pain in his eyes.
“Jesus Christ. None of us ever thought that. Not for one second,” he says, looking like he’s struggling to hold back tears.
A throat clears.
“I did.”
We look at Uncle Mal.
He clears his throat again like talking is a challenge. “I didn’t want to think it, but... Elaina… the way she was just left with… oh God,” he chokes out.
The room is engulfed in a silence so thick that I can’t breathe.
My lungs burn.
Uncle Mal looks at me, his lips moving, but I have to force myself to concentrate to make out what he’s saying.
“I heard you arguing. I’ve never heard you so angry. Then I saw you run away from the yacht. My sister was…” His lips shake before he presses them together and drags in a breath through his nose. “I went onboard, and she was gone.” He drops his head and his torso crumples as sobs wrack his body. “She wasgone. I never thought for a second you could have… but she was there… on the steps to the cabin… lying face down, and…” He heaves like he’s about to be sick, but nothing comes up.
“I went to fetch her medicine, I…”I splutter.
Mom looked me in the eyes. She told me it would be okay when I left her. I was too late.
My body sags, everything draining from me.
I was too late.
“I didn’t know,” Uncle Mal whispers. “I didn’t understand that’s what you were doing until after. But it was too late.”
“What did you do, Mal?” Trudy gasps, staring at him and covering her mouth with her hand. “Oh, Mal. What did you do?”
He looks at his wife before turning to me with bloodshot eyes.
“I thought you’d done it in anger, lost control. I know you wouldn’t have meant to. You’re my nephew. I’ve known you since you were born.” He sobs. “You’re my family too, andyou had your life ahead of you. I knew it would have been an accident.”
“What did you do, Mal?” This time, it’s my father who asks, his voice booming across the room.
