Bullshit. He grabbed the bottle of ibuprofen and swallowed down four. Yesterday’s injuries were screaming today. His body hurt in more places than his brain could absorb. He pulled out the carton of eggs and a largeskillet.
Ten minutes later, they ate in silence side-by-side at the breakfast bar. He’d not anticipated the day would begin likethis.
Maybe the food helped. Or the coffee. Maybe the silence did the trick. Could have been his groan when he got up to refill their mugs. When he delivered her hot drink, she offered a timid smile.That’s astart.
With a grunt, he sank onto thestool.
“Are you in pain?” sheasked.
He didn’t need a fucking nursemaid. He needed her to talk to him. “What pains me is that you won’t be honest withme.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t dothis.”
Not good.The tightening in his chest had nothing whatsoever to do with his physicalinjuries.
“Coming home has reopened old wounds,” she said. “My life is one big lie. My father—whom I adored—is a monster. My mother is dying. ‘Everyone knows, but don’t tell Alexandra’.” She set down her mug. “For over a decade I kept my distance from you. Last night I learned the truth about why you let me go. I’m grateful you would do that for me, but it doesn’t eliminate the heartache. I’ve loved two men and both rejected me. Wilson Mitus didn’t leave me, per se, but tell that to the six-year-old child inside me that heabandoned.”
He swiveled towardher.
“Playing Monday morning quarterback is easy,” she continued. “You’re back in my life—more like, we’re inseparable.DC’s Brightest Tech Staris my one decent story. You’re helping me at the club. I live with you. I made love—made love—to you last night. And this morning you want to pick up where we left off. I’m not eighteen. I have a dark side. Making love is what normal people do. I fuck masked strangers because I’m not capable of having a close, intimate relationship with a man. I’m scared to give my heart, even toyou. ”
There itis.
“Last night I finally got the truth,” she continued. “I’m still reeling from what I learned about my childhood and while I’m elated you’re back in my life, I’m not the naïve teenager who was once ready to chuck everything for a man. We have the same challenge we had back then. I live there. You here. Wilde Innovations appears to be closely aligned with certain government and military agencies. You have a manufacturing plant; you employ a lot of people. I have to be a realist. You know, eyes wideopen.”
“I understand and Iagree.”
But she furrowed her brow. What about that answer didn’t she like? He did not understand thiswoman.
“Last night I slept in your bed, curled up to you like my life depended on it,” she continued. “I can’t even escape into my work because my career has completely derailed.” She shivered. He reached out to stroke hershoulder.
She jerked away. “Please, that’s not helping. I think it would be best if I movedout.”
Never had anyone infuriated him more. Never had he felt so much passion toward one woman. If she needed space, he’d back off, but there was no way in hell she’d be movingout.
“I bought you a present,” he said. She stared at the gift, then at him. “Openit.”
“Did you hear nothing of what I justsaid?”
“Do you know what gets me out of bed every fucking day?” he asked. “Guilt. While I was having a great time at Harvard, my sister was taken. The pain and anger and terror are indescribable. Then, I fall in love with this amazing girl. But I have to end the relationship. I might be stupid, but I’m sure as hell not selfish. I lost my sister and then I lost you. Now you’re back and I’m happy, but drowning in guilt. I have no right to feel this way. No right.” He pushed out of the chair and dropped his plate in thesink.
With trembling fingers, she lifted the lid and pulled away the tissue paper. “You got me gloves.” Her words were barely audible, as if he’d crashed in on some private moment. With a tender smile and gentle hands, she slipped themon.
“You needed them. Like we need eachother.”
She approached him and peered into his eyes. “They’re beautiful and elegant and perfect. Thank you for this thoughtful gift. Last nightwasspecial and that terrifiesme.”
He grabbed her shoulders and tightened his grip. A tornado of need ripped through him. She was right. Their lives were so entwined he couldn’t see where his ended and hers began, but he’d tread lightly.I won’t lose heragain.
With all the strength he could muster, he kissed her forehead and let her go. Sadness bled from her beautiful brown eyes. She wasn’t as good at concealing her emotions as she’d want him tobelieve.
“Last night was the best thing that’s happened to either one of us in years.” He threw his hands up in surrender. “But if we’re back to masked fucking at the club, then book us a suite. Small steps, I get. Do not moveout.”
* * *
Alexandra wantedto tellCrockett how much she loved him. Instead, she retreated into the hall bath to drown her feelings in a scalding hot shower. As the water pounded her, she imagined him joining her. His hard body would meld so perfectly into her softone.
Feeling encouraged by his “small steps” suggestion, she dried off. Wrapped in the towel, she walked into the guest bedroom to dress and her jaw fell open. The room had been furnished, down to the elegant golden-beige comforter atop a queen-sized bed with four fluffy pillows covered in marooncases.
