I did not have a handle on this unrequited passion I feel for Cayzor of Eight.
Because here, in his own home, in dark clothes that do absolutely nothing to hide the sheer size and shape of him, he looks like a male who could be modeling and selling male fashion. Standing in the light of the foyer, he’s the single most devastating thing I have ever laid eyes on.
“Mara,” he greets, low, and sexy.
Jeez, the space between my thighs is already wet and my nipples are two hard points begging to be pinched and sucked. Nothing is going to come of this, absolutely nothing, which is heartbreaking. I need to keep a lid on this and carry on, as if none of this epic desire is swirling inside of me.
“Cayzor.” It comes out a little breathless. I clear my throat. “Hi. Thank you for the invite. It’s nice to see where you live.”
“Thank you for coming.” His eyes move down my face, over my chest and along the line of my dress then back up to meet my gaze.
And now I’m even more hot and bothered than before.
Andrew’s saying something to Chief behind me, charming and easy, and somewhere deeper in the house I can hear deep voices. The whole place is warm, loud andalive. I stand in thefoyer of the Fever Brothers’ compound and think:oh no. I could love it here.
And then there are more crew members moving forward to greet me. Everyone’s moving toward the dining room, and I’m swept up in a wave of introductions I have no hope of fully tracking. Some of the faces Iknow, thank gods. Leah’s here, grinning, giving me a little wave. I also already know Roxy, Jana and Naomi.
And there are new faces I’ve been dying to meet. Lila is married to Claws and she basically runs the house and takes care of the offspring. I meet Hallie, who tells me she’s the newest bride, married to Rook. She’s visibly pregnant and also works at home, caring for the children and the finances of the Fever Brothers. And I meet Ines, who lets me know that she’s a journalist and is married to Trunk. She greets me, with a newborn baby tucked in her arms.
Darling.
During the whirlwind of moving into the dining area I see so many children. They’re everywhere, these darling half-Xylan, half-human offspring, and they are — I don’t have another word for it — they areridiculouslybeautiful. The little ridged brows and the human eyes, the tiny clawed hands and the chubby human cheeks, the two species blended into something that makes my chest ache.
A little girl runs circles around the table, someone tells me her name is Lia, and she’s Claws and Lila’s. A boy is in a high chair, his name is Rux and he’s Heavy and Jana’s son. A tiny girl named Zora is in Cannibal’s arms. And Argyl, who I’ve already met many times, is here with Hook and Leah.
And there are three newborns in the room.Three.
“Yes, three newborns,” Naomi chuckles. “We know it’s a bit much, but mainly we feel blessed. All three are perfectly healthy too. This little one in my arms is our son, Bay. And Ines andTrunk had a little girl named Vela and over there with Chief is their baby boy, named Dax.”
I nod, knowing I’ll never remember all these names.
“It’s okay if you don’t remember all of these names,” Cayzor says from nearby, as if he’s reading my mind. “There’s plenty of time later for you to remember.”
I glance over at him, surprised that he would say that. What ‘plenty of time’ is he referring to, considering I’m here on a temporary work contract?
I glance around at this room, unexpectedly filled with small children, infants and pregnant women and… I want to tell them. The wanting comes up so sudden and hard it nearly closes my throat. These women know exactly what it is to be sick every morning and exhausted every afternoon and terrified and amazed all at once. These are the women I couldcommiserate with about what’s happening to me. The changes that will come with each trimester and the tips and tricks. I’ve been carrying this completely alone, handling it the way I handle everything, by myself, in the dark. Yet here is a whole room full of women who wouldget itand who I could call and message…
And I can’t say a word.
Because it’s not the plan. I’m the engineer here to fix their grid, not the pregnant new girl. I’ll be gone before I show. So I smile, and coo over the babies and keep my own pregnancy to myself.
And then we are all sitting down for dinner. The table is enormous. A long, heavy table that somehow seats this entire impossible family, and it’s already laid for the meal with every dish out, plates, cups and pitchers. It’s a spread that looks like a restaurant and smells like heaven. And I notice that there arerich Xylan dishes I don’t recognize, and human food, clearly made with care.
“Oh this is nice,” I exclaim. “Do you guys eat like this every night?”
“Yep,” Jana answers. “It’s a good way for us to all reconnect at the end of a busy day.”
I nod in agreement, absurdly distracted by a bowl of what looks like actual roasted potatoes. When I go to sit, I realize, as I’m already lowering myself into the chair, that the enormous male settling in beside me is Cayzor. I’m surprised because I guess I thought I’d be seated next to Andrew, but I look up and find him seated far away. How did that happen?
I shrug and just accept that I’m going to be seated next to the male I prefer. This is no hardship.
Dinner is chaos, in the best way, and I have never in my life been so aware of my own left side. Cayzor keeps a careful few inches between us. I can tell he’s doing it on purpose, holding that small deliberate distance. Both of us are wearing the green gloves of the unmated, so at least there’s that. But then Lia darts underfoot and Cayzor shifts, suddenly his arm is against mine for a moment, warm and solid. Luckily this contact is through two layers of fabric, but is of course, still devastating. I reach for the potatoes and he reaches to steady a pitcher at the same moment and our gloved hands nearly touch on the table. We both go still for half a second before pulling back.
This is torture.
“How are you enjoying living in employee housing?” Hallie asks.
I swallow my drink and try to answer while, also remaining hyper aware of Cayzor, in a way that is frankly humiliating. The heat of him beside me. The low rumble when he answers something Chief asks down the table. The size of his gloved hand resting near mine. I told myself this was hormones, back in my quarters, and I’m telling myself that again now, and I don’t believe it any more than I did then.
