He blinks a few times, then nods. “Yes.”
I feel the seriousness of this situation. I understand what he’s saying. But for some stupid reason, I say something completely ridiculous.
“There are other guys you can hook up with, Aliko.”
His brow furrows so deep he almost looks angry. Or maybe he’s feeling something else—something I don’t want to admit making him feel.
My heart pounds in my chest, that little voice in my head telling me to speak up and tell him I didn’t mean it. That I’m just joking. There are a hundred things I could say to turn this conversation around and not let him think exactly what he’s thinking—that I don’t want anything more than a hookup. But I say nothing because apparently I’m a coward.
Chapter Nineteen
Aliko
We leave New York to drive to Rhode Island the morning of the show. It’s not a far drive, and we have only about an hour left. No one wanted to hang around in the smallest state—except me, I guess—longer than necessary. They’re considering going back to New York tomorrow, since it’s only about a four-hour drive. The next shows we have are all an hour away from one another—Providence, Boston, and Worcester, however the hell you pronounce that word.
Strange that you can get to multiple states in just a few hours when we drove for half a day just to get through one. Land geography is strange. Nothing like the ocean.
I don’t want to go back to New York though. I need to get into the ocean and spend some time there. I need to recharge and justlet myself be free for a little while. But I need to figure out how I am going to do that without causing a scene.
I’ve been lucky over the years, coming in and out of the ocean without causing attention. Maybe it’s just the worry I have over being noticed because of who I am now, since it happens so often, but if I go in human form, I shouldn’t have any problem.
But a lot of the beaches around here look small or are on private property, according to all the maps I looked at. I’m just not sure I want to risk it. I zoom in and out of the map app, hoping to find a spot that looks like it’ll work for me. Then an ad pops up—fuck, I hate these things. Only this time, it’s actually something I need.
I click on the ad to “Rent Beach Houses in Your Area!!!” There are many of them, so many options. They’re all beautiful, and literally on the beach. This is perfect.
I crawl out of bed, walk to Dorian’s bedroom, and knock on the door.
“Yeah?” he calls.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.”
I open the door and step into his room that’s set up exactly like mine, just decorated in different colors.. It feels tiny with both of us in here.
“You think it would be okay if I rented a house while we’re here?”
He looks confused for a moment, then says, “I don’t see why not. But why?”
I give him the most truth I can.
“I’ve been on land for way too long. I really need some time in the ocean.”
Understanding flashes across his face. “Right. That makes sense. Maybe just talk to Lucia to let her know what’s going on.”
“Good idea. Thanks.”
I leave him alone and go back to my room to scroll through the different options. They’re all roughly around the same price, so what I need to focus on is space, distance to the beach, and privacy.
It doesn’t take long for me to find one that’s down a dead-end road, the sand literally at the back door, the private beach enclosed by trees and bushes on either side to make it truly private. This is exactly what I need. I sit up straighter and scroll through more photos. It almost feels too good to be true.
Point Judith is a small village in Narragansett. The photos show a beautiful but quaint area that is exactly what I am looking for. And it’s only forty-five minutes from Providence and less than two hours from Boston, in case I need to show up for any promo stuff. There isn’t much planned while we’re here, since we’re reaching the end of the tour and most of our promo happened at the beginning, but you never know when someone is going to have a new, bright idea.
I book the house for tomorrow through Thursday, thanking the gods that it’s available last minute. I pay, and when it goes through, I get a confirmation email that says I will get more information from the host soon.
Something inside me settles. I’m going to be in the ocean tomorrow.
I’ve warred with myself over who I am my whole life, but there is still a part of me that craves to be my true self and get lost in the ocean. It’s freeing. If only I could be myself in that body, everything would be perfect.
