“Amelia did not die because she could not swim… but because of her death in such a way, I have been remiss inGemma learning that particular skill. If you think you can teach her safely, I am not opposed to it.” It was obvious the permission he granted was reluctant.
Lydia nodded. “I will be certain to find the most shallow section of the lake to begin her lessons in.”
“Lydia… Miss Lydia,” he corrected. “I know you must have heard what mother said?—.”
“And she is entitled to her feelings,” Lydia cut him off. “You need not defend her to me or me to her. I have regrets about what happened, but at the time, it was the only way I saw forward. Perhaps that was the product of youth, arrogance or possibly even a lack of faith—I cannot say. All I can say is that it seemed like the best course of action then. I knew that if I told you—if I told you then you would convince me to stay, that we could work around unexpected obstacles that were suddenly in our path. And I didn’t want that for you.”
“Dammit, Lydia… can you not just tell me what the obstacle is? What it was? Why it was insurmountable?”
Lydia sighed. “No. Because… I just can’t bring myself to do it. Perhaps I will someday. I’m well aware that you are owed some answers, some degree of explanation but I find that I am unable to put it into words right now. I beg you to not force a conversation that I am not prepared to have.”
He leaned back in his chair then, his hands clasped on the desk before him. “Soon… we are quickly approaching the point where I will not be put off.”
“I know that,” she agreed. “I do. And I—I am working my way around to it. In the meantime, I should like to take Gemma to the lake tomorrow. I think not in the morning as the water will be too cool, but perhaps in the afternoon.”
He nodded. “I will see you at dinner… I have some things I must attend to. Having a royal warrant as a lavender providerhas dramatically changed the amount of work I find myself required to do on any given day.”
“I shall leave you to it,” Lydia stated and rose to walk out of the study. At the door, she turned back to him, “Oliver?”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry to be the cause of strife between you and your mother. I would alter that if I could, but the only concession she would accept is my departure and I am reluctant to do that.”
“Because Gemma needs you,” he stated.
Lydia stared at him for a long moment, then uttered something that could well damn her irrevocably. “That is one of my reasons, but not the only one. Perhaps not even the most pressing one… Until dinner.”
Chapter
Seven
Dinner was a cold affair which had nothing to do with the temperature of the room or the food. Seated at the end of the table next to Gemma, directly across from her was Lady Charlotte, who alternately smiled at Gemma and glared daggers at her. At the head of the table, Oliver presided over it all with what could be described as frustration. He was surrounded by women, she thought, and not a single one of them was entirely cooperative. Gemma kept playing with her food because she said she didn’t like duck and couldn’t stand the thought of eating it. Lady Charlotte refused to put her temper aside. As for herself, she was refusing him answers that he was well and truly entitled to. In all, it was little wonder that he was frustrated.
“Gemma,” Oliver said. “I had a chat with Miss Lydia this afternoon and I think she had a very good idea about a particular part of your education that has been lacking.”
“Oh?” Lady Charlotte asked. “And what is it that you intend to teach my granddaughter?”
Lydia kept her face a mask of composure even as her stomach tightened with nerves at the thought of addressing the woman directly. “I think, Lady Charlotte, that Gemma should learn toswim… It’s an important skill to have and there is no better time to learn than on a hot summer day.”
Lady Charlotte’s face paled dramatically. “You cannot be serious! Oliver, how could you even consider such a thing? It’s far too dangerous!”
“I rather thought the danger would be lessened by permitting her to learn rather than denying her such a fundamental skill… I cannot, mother, ensure that she will never encounter water in her life that she cannot simply walk through.”
“And you think this woman is capable of teaching her? That you can entrust such a task to her?” Lady Charlotte’s all but spoken accusation hung heavily in the air and silence descended.
Lydia’s gaze flew to Oliver’s face, to the muscle ticking in his jaw. There was no denying that Lady Charlotte’s implication had been a vile one—as if Lydia would ever purposely let something happen to Gemma, or even carelessly for that matter.
After a moment, checking his temper with a patience and control that was quite remarkable, Oliver finally answered. “I think she is more than capable. In fact, I can think of no better person to complete the task. But I think at this point we should allow Gemma to decide if she feels ready to take on such lessons. After all, if she does not wish to?—”
“Oh, Papa, I wish to very much! I’ve wanted to learn for ages and ages.”
Oliver’s anger faded. Lydia watched it recede like the ebbing of a wave. He had only to look at Gemma, she thought, and any negative emotion simply faded in the face of her sunny disposition. That thought brought its own kind of pain—the pain of regret, not for what had passed, but for what had never been. Had they married when they were supposed to have done, they might have had a house full of children. Sons and daughters whose laughter would fill the halls of Hartwell. And instead, it was only Gemma. The only child in the household, forced to playby herself because she had no siblings to join her. At every turn, it seemed that her choices so long ago had only one universal consequence—loneliness.
“Ages and ages, have you?” He asked with a soft smile. “Then I think you most certainly, weather permitting, should do so. I’ll be certain that the groundskeepers know what you will be about and you shall have enough privacy to swim to your heart’s content.”
Gemma was so excited at the prospect, she was all but bouncing in her seat. And from that point on, dinner continued in a relatively uneventful fashion. It could never be termed peaceful, given the general hostility that was directed at her from Lady Charlotte, but at least nothing further was said.
When the evening meal ended, Lydia ushered Gemma up to the nursery. It was a relief that her duties prevented her from having to retire to the drawing room with Oliver’s mother afterward. She had fielded the barbs with minimal injury thus far, but she had no notion of how long that could be sustained.
