“Piper was in front of your shop recently. Anything going on there?”
Dammit.“Not at all.”
“Why? She not your type?” Marjorie rolled her eyes. “She’s adorable! And a romance author too. She’ll probably be way more successful than any of us.”
“Theo has promise,” Henrietta hissed.
“Not like she does,” I said. “We’re friends, but I’m not gonna be anything more.”
“Why not?”
“I’m me, and she’s her.”
“This is why we’re trying gentle parenting,” Henrietta said. “Look at how he thinks!”
“Gentle parenting is for soft parents with no balls.” Marjorie turned to me. “Fuck you and your low self-esteem. Get you a girlfriend and be happy, or I’ll kick your ass.”
“What the fuck is happening right now?” I asked. “Gentle parenting?”
“We’ll disagree about how to parent later,” Henrietta said to Marjorie. “For now, we join forces.”
“Agreed.”
“No, no.” I shook my head. “Keep fighting. Things are easier when you fight.”
“Sorry, kid. We’re your wing women now.”
“I don’t need wing women. I don’t need anything, actually. Neither does she. So, we talk and touch sometimes. It doesn’t mean anything.” I was speaking fast, my pitch rising with each word.
“Touch?” Marjorie asked.
“Not like that! She’s trying to get used to physical contact. It seriously doesn’t mean anything!”
Marjorie stared at me and then burst into laughter. “He’s a goner.”
I expected Henrietta to laugh too, but she was covering her mouth.
“Guys! It’s normal!”
“That denial isn’t.” Marjorie wiped tears from her eyes. “Oh, this is great. We were waiting for this. Now we get to see it!”
“You’ll see nothing.”
“Does she embarrass you too?”
“How could you possibly know that?”
“Because it’s so funny!”
“All right, dear.” Henrietta put her hand on Marjorie’s shoulder. “He’s gonna lose his mind if you keep it up. And you know how stubborn he is.”
Marjorie’s smile slowly faded. “That I do.”
“Nothing willeverhappen between Piper and me.” I crossed my arms, feeling like the petulant kid I was never allowed to be. “Nothing—not threats or gentle parenting or whatever—will change my mind.”
“All right, kid.” Marjorie crossed her arms, all mirth gone from her face. “You’ve challenged me. Now it’s time to get serious.”
“Look at what you did,” Henrietta said. “You have to listen now.”
