“I’m actually a little nervous that you’re going to tell me that I shouldn’t have done it with him.”
She blinked as if not expecting me to say what I felt so boldly. “Do you feel like you shouldn’t have made that step with him?”
“No. Not at all, but I know how it looks. He’s older and has tattoos. He seems grumpy, but he’s not, and?—”
“I’m sensing a lot of defensiveness, and I want to stop you for a second. Is there something I’ve done to cause this?”
I shook my head. “No, not you. I don’t think it has to do with you at all. My friend, Joey, can be very protective and can be very judgmental.” I let out a long sigh. “I haven’t told him or his fiancé anything yet.”
Scarlett nodded and paused to consider her words. “I’ll start by saying this. You are in control of what you do here. If you trust Theo and your logic behind that trust is sound, then I’m not going to tell you it’s wrong. Though, I do want to talk more about what’s going on with you and your friends.”
“I need to tell them, don’t I?”
“It would probably be best, yes, but you seem to have a lot of fear stemming from this, and a lot of defensiveness over Theo.”
I sighed. This wasn’t where I expected things to go, but I knew I needed to talk about this. “Ever since I’ve moved here,Joey is so against ... everything. He’s been saying that you’re pushing me too hard, or that I’m pushing myself too hard and that I should just move back. Honestly, Scarlett, I’m tired of it. I know this has been hard and that I’ve struggled, but I feel like I have to. I don’t want to be protected from the world.”
“Especially if that protection comes with another form of control.” She said it slowly, and it hit me hard.
I let out a long breath. “You’re right. I feel controlled, even though I don’t live with them anymore.”
I leaned my head on my hands, hating that I felt this way at all, but knowing that it was the truth. I loved Joey, and he had done so much for me.
But I didn’t like what he was doing now.
“I’m setting boundaries, just like we talked about. But he’s still upset.”
“That is his problem to deal with. From what I see, you’re handling your fear in different ways. The medicine is helping and you’re working on it with me. That is all that’s in your control. I do think you should eventually tell Joey and Mitch what’s going on. But I also understand wanting to see where things go with Theo and having everything under control when you do tell them.”
“It’s just so new. All of it. And I’m starting to realize just how much I prefer the way Theo handles things.”
“And how does he handle things?”
“He’s seen me at my worst, yet he still believes in me. He doesn’t try to stop me from feeling anything, he just helps. Within reason.”
Scarlett hummed. “Sounds like another reason you trust him.”
“That, and he’s, like, super hot.”
“Wait a minute, he’s good with emotions and is hot? Unfair. Do you know how hard that is to find?”
Ilaughed. I loved seeing hints of her personality. “Really hard. But I’m lucky.”
“You could see it as luck, but I feel like you deserve this.”
“Thank you. Things just feel so much better. I know for a while it seemed like I was in a cycle.”
“That happens more than you think. A lot of people have a chemical imbalance and they want to work it out so badly, but their mind simply won’t let them. You did the right thing, and it seems to be working out.”
“Yeah. I think it really is too.”
And for once, I actually believed it.
I wound up walking into The Reserved Bean close to my usual time. I wanted to be earlier, but I needed some time to process all that Scarlett and I had talked about.
Theo didn’t seem upset, and he smiled when he saw me.
I returned it, but my head was fuzzy from a lack of caffeine. “Can I get a?—”
