Chapter 10
Eleanor
Ipull into my apartment parking lot, turn off my car’s engine, and stare blankly ahead, my body frozen while I disassociate from yet another miserable day at work. Part of me wants to reverse back out and drive straight to Starry Hill, leave this city and my stressful job behind, and enjoy the peace of the island, the sunshine, the books, the creatures… Beck.
But I remain frozen. There’s no need to make my unhappiness anyone else’s problem.
Eventually, I’ll get out of this car. I’ll head upstairs, pretend the day didn’t happen, and go back tomorrow just to repeat it all again. And I’ll keep doing that foras long as I need, because somehow when the gods were handing out courage, they skipped me.
As a young girl, I was promised that if I work hard and don’t draw too much attention to myself, then I’ll be rewarded with the respect of my peers. That’s what my mother repeated to me over and over again as she straightened my curly hair before school every morning and tamed it into an inoffensive ponytail or bun that won’t distract anyone else in my class. The same way I still wear it most days.
Except for when I go to Starry Hill. The rules feel different there. I’m not quite brave enough to try wearing my hair curly yet, but I’ve gotten as far as leaving it down. I’ve also splurged on a couple of pretty dresses for the weekends, clothes that actually make me happy each time I put them on, as opposed to the boxy blouses I wear to work.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
I scream as a face appears next to my window, my hand flying to my chest in an attempt to contain my racing heart from scuttling down to the footwell where it so desperately wants to go.
“Sorry,” Audrey says with a slight cringe, lowering her sunglasses to see the apology in her eyes. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
I’m already shaking my head as I lower my window, my heart now trying to return to a healthy human rhythm. “No, no. Not your fault. I guess I should be more observant. Sorry for screaming in your face.”
“Honestly, it was a pretty good one,” Audrey says, giving me a cheeky wink. “Before I make an inappropriate comment aboutsituations that can elicit more screams from you, want to tell me what’s on your mind? You’ve been sitting here for quite a while.”
“I’m okay.” The lie comes easily, the response fine-tuned with years of practice.
Audrey raises a single brow. “Work, family, boys, or all of the above?”
“Work.” I let out a slow breath and, after another moment’s hesitation, add, “Maybe a little bit of everything.”
“Want to come upstairs and tell me about it?” Before I can refuse and tell Audrey I won’t be great company, she says the magic words, “I have wine.”
Audrey and I settle onto her couch in the living room with dinner ordered from the cute pasta place we both like, substantial wine glasses in hand.
Taking a big sip, Audrey eyes me over the rim of her glass. “Was it just a shitty day, or is there more to it?”
I puff out my cheeks while I contemplate my answer. “Today was especially shitty, but I’m starting to realize just how much I hate my job. Every day is a struggle to get through. It’s like I’m living for the weekends. That’s the only thing that keeps me sane at this point.”
Audrey taps a dark nail against her glass as a sly grin plays on her lips. “I don’t know how much help I can be on the work front, unless you want me to teach you some malicious compliance techniques that’ll drive whoever’s bothering you absolutely nuts.”
“I couldn’t.”
“But if you change your mind, you know where to find me,” Audrey says, twirling some pasta around her fork.
“I do. Thank you,” I say around a mouthful of creamy goodness. “You’re my favorite shit-stirrer I’ve ever met.” It’s not like I’ve met a ton of people as mischievous as Audrey, but even if I had, I’m sure she’d still be at the top of the list.
“A title I’ll wear with pride.” Crossing her legs, Audrey leans back on the couch and swirls her wine around as she contemplates something. “Maybe I can get a badge made. Or a sash. Next ladies’ night on the island, I’ll wear it.”
I stare at my upstairs neighbor as a feeling of such gratefulness wraps around my heart. “I’m so happy our paths crossed.”
“Me too. Now, tell me more about your weekends. What exactly is it about them that has you giddy enough to balance out your struggles? Or is it a who?”
Warmth spreads across my cheeks as numerous versions of Beck flash through my mind, each part etched onto my brain for different reasons. The way his whole body relaxes when his hand dips into the ocean, his genuine joy when we’ve made new plans together, the wide set of his shoulders when he’s comfortably sprawled back in his seat, the way his voice gets all deep and rumbly on the phone when it’s getting late, and the way his fingertips felt when they brushed against my cheek.
“Holy fucking hells, Eleanor. Who is it?” Audrey asks, setting down her wine like she’s not willing to let her favorite adult beverage stand in the way of getting the whole story. I am the sole focus of her attention now, something that makes me want to both crawl into a hole but also revel in the momentary spotlight.
A thousand tiny wings flutter in my stomach and my heartbeat climbs into my throat. Am I finally going to tell someone? Will it make it more real if I say it aloud?
Unable to deny my feelings anymore, I let the butterflies in my stomach carry his name up until it whispers across my lips. “Beck.”
