Chapter 20
Eleanor
Late Sunday morning, I crack my eyes open and reach for my phone, yearning for my Shinsu.
No new messages.
My heart sinks like a hefty stone. I’ve gotten so used to seeing his name pop up on my screen throughout the day, that the absence of it hurts more than I could’ve prepared myself for. Yet, I know I don’t deserve to hear from him after going silentsince Friday night.
Shinsu’s been so good to me all week, sending me the sweetest musings and compliments, keeping my soul fed as I struggled through each day. Then at night we’d talk for hours, things getting more than a little heated before I’d fall asleep happy, knowing I’m loved, and able to brace myself for another day.
It broke my heart to cancel this weekend, but I had no choice. My boss dumped a giant project on my desk before he left for a weekend of golfing, knowing the presentation is already scheduled for Monday. Thanks to doing business with my mother over many years, he’s well aware of my inability to say no and my fear of disappointing her.
Breaking the news to Shinsu was the hardest thing I’ve done in a long time. There was simply no way I would’ve been able to balance Starry Hill and my work. I was fighting back tears the entire conversation, keeping my sentences short, afraid Shinsu would detect how upset I was at the prospect of not seeing him.
Would he ever forgive me? Would he understand why I was so short on the phone?
I tried my best to get everything done so I could at least spend some time with him this weekend, but the paperwork I was given was incomplete and I needed to do more research than anticipated.
Somewhere past midnight on Friday I passed out at my desk, and once I woke I decided to remain at work until everything was entirely done. So many times throughout Saturday I picked up my phone, the desire to call Shinsu almost unbearably strong, but then I’d pinch myself before chucking my phone in my drawer again. If I heard his voice, I knew I’d cave and ask himto come save me, to take me to Starry Hill with him, and never return to this godsforsaken place.
I can’t go on like this. My soul is withering away the longer I stay at this job. I hate being away from Shinsu, from Starry Hill, and my loving community there. And knowing what true happiness feels like now, it seems inconceivable to continue with life as is.
But how can I be so selfish to want a different life than the one I have right now? Shouldn’t I be grateful for having a secure job, my own home, and a sweet dragon to visit on weekends? It seems conceited, wrong, to want more for myself when I already have so much.
In desperate need of advice, I stumble out of bed and throw on some comfy sweats, and head upstairs to Audrey’s place.
“You look like shit,” Audrey says as she opens the door.
“Thanks. I feel like it,” I mumble, shuffling toward her couch and collapsing onto it.
Audrey props a hand on her hip as she studies me. “Coffee, wine, or something stronger?”
“Stronger,” I groan.
“Fuck.” Cocking a brow at me, Audrey asks, “That bad?”
My shoulders climb up to my ears. “Maybe?”
“On it.” Audrey heads to the kitchen and comes back with a bottle of strong liquor I haven’t touched since university days, and places two shot glasses on the coffee table. “Just to kick us off and loosen your tongue.”
I grimace as the awful taste hits my tongue, but I swallow it down gratefully. “Gross.”
Audrey pours a second shot. “Boys, work, family, or all of the above?”
“Work mostly,” I cough out after swallowing down the near poison. “But I think I fucked up with my boy too.”
Just the thought of Shinsu sends a pang through my heart and I check my phone again. Still no new messages.
Audrey taps her empty glass on the table. “Look, work stuff I can always help with, but when it comes to love, I’m severely lacking.”
“You did pretty well last time.”
Wiggling her eyebrows, Audrey asks, “That nudging go well for you?”
“Very.” My cheeks burn as images of Shinsu’s beautiful face flash through my head, his adoring gaze as he made love to me burned into my memory forever.
“So we’re beyond nudging now?”
