CHAPTER 9
CECE
Four days passand I don’t see him.
I’m not avoiding him. I want to be clear about that, at least in the privacy of my own head. I am simplynot going anywhere he might be,which is a totally different thing. I stay at the cabin. I apply for the job at the coffee shop and actually get it.
On the surface I’m checking boxes. It seems like everything is starting to fall into place. But if that’s the case, why do I feel so terrible? Ryan is on my mind day in and day out. I’ve never fallen so hard so fast and that’s exactly why I can’t trust myself to be around him.
I start my new job Monday and Evelyn is moving hell and earth to help watch Birdie until I can get her into a daycare. Even better, she doesn’t ask me a single question about Ryan. She’s waiting me out and I intend to let her keep on waiting. The same can’t be said for Birdie.
Birdie asks about him twice. The first time was when we saw a squad car parked downtown, then again when we passed a man with a dog at the park. Both times I held it together, but the innocence in her interest in Ryan is a stab to the heart.
So I’ve blocked it all out. Between now and Monday, Birdie and I bake. I’m pulling a tray of blueberry muffins out of theoven when my phone buzzes. Stupid, senseless butterflies flap in my stomach when I see his name on my screen.
Ryan:Come to the cabin. 4 pm. Please.
Just that. No preamble. No emoji. It’s just the location, the time, and the word please. I stare at my screen for long enough that Evelyn looks up from the flour she's sifting.
"It's him," I say.
"I know,” she arches an eyebrow.
"You don't know. I haven't said?—"
"Cece, it's been four days of course it’s him! What does it say?” She’s more excited then I’m willing to let myself be.
"He wants me to come to the cabin."
Evelyn sets the sifter down. She wipes her hands on her apron. She looks at me. "You’re going. I’m watching Birdie.”
"But nothing has changed.” I glance at Birdie and decide to switch to a code she can’t crack. “I have k-i-d and a d-i-v-o-r-c-e. It’s a lot for a man whose other option is a bachelor life.”
“Did he tell you he wants a bachelor life? I can’t imagine him doing all this just for s-e-x.” Evelyn rolls her eyes.
“S-e-x!” Birdie mimics Evelyn’s tone.
I cut my eyes at Evelyn. “Would you shut it? I don’t know if I can do this. What if I’m wrong again?”
"The thing is, you do know." She comes around the counter. She takes my shoulders. "You knew the truth about G-r-e-g by the end of the first week, but you weren’t ready to admit it. You can trust yourself. Plus, the men here are just built differently. I trust it.”
My chest does something. “Yeah, I trust it too. I’m just worried.”
"Go to the cabin, Cece."
So I decide to go.
I fire off a response to Ryan.
Me:Okay, see you then.
Ryan:Bring Birdie.
Me:Are you sure?
Ryan:I’m always sure.
From there it’s a whirlwind of chaos. I shower. I put on a dress Evelyn hands me from her closet. It’s soft, flowy, and green. I put Birdie in the overalls with the strawberry on the front.
