“You’re not exactly a feather pillow, you know. Every part of you is hard.”
He made a sound of strangled agreement and she froze. She became suddenly, acutely aware of the feel of him. Not just the strength of his big body. The arms locked around her, the chest rising and falling a little too fast. That tight abdomen. The hard thighs beneath her.
He was so strong and capable. Disciplined. Heroic. She saw that every time she looked at him. It was irritatingly impossible to ignore. But there was something else in his face tonight. Twisting in the shadows cast by the fire. Burning in his eyes. Making the planes of his face seem harsher.
That was his cock pressed against her hip. It was just as hard and big as the rest of him.
Heat rushed to her face. She was suddenly hot everywhere. Her face. Her breasts. Her hips where his arm was weighing her down.
He looked down at her, his gaze softening ever so slightly. “I won’t hurt you.”
“I know.”
And God, it was true, wasn’t it? She knew that Casrian wouldn’t hurt her. Not intentionally.
“It’s been a long time for me, that’s all. You’re just warm and female. It doesn’t mean anything. Ignore it.”
A laugh bubbled up inside her. “I don’t know if I can do that.”
“You can,” he said. “If I can ignore the damn thing, then you can too.”
A shiver ran through her and he rubbed her arm, his thumb making small circles on her skin. It felt good, soothing in a weird way that didn’t so much calm her as redirect her restless, reckless energy in a different direction.
“I can’t let you run,” he said. “Not when I’m the only one out here to chase you. I’ve seen people do crazy things after a fight.” His forehead wrinkled as he lifted his brows. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so desperate to do laundry. That’s new.”
“What do they usually do?”
If there was something she could do to shake this edgy, miserable feeling she wanted to know it.
“Fight, mostly. Sometimes they run and we have to chase them down.” He hesitated. “Sometimes, when we’re in a town, they find someone to fuck.”
A thrill ran through her body and he must have felt that somehow because the muscles beneath her tightened.
She watched him swallow, the flex of the muscles in his neck, the bob of his throat. “We can’t do that.”
“Why not?” She didn’t know if she was asking him or herself. But now that the question was out there, she wanted to know the answer.
His smile was sad. “You don’t even like me, angel. You don’t want me inside you.”
Her breath rushed out at the image that came to her. “You don’t know what I want.”
She didn’t even know what she wanted.
No.
That was a lie. She did very much know what she wanted. She’d known it for days. Even if it was a stupid thing to want. She just didn’t know what to do about it. She liked the way he made her feel, all breathless and alive. She liked the way he treated her, with simple respect, even when they argued. He never looked at her like she was dirty. He looked at her like she was something strange and fascinating. He was looking at her like that now.
And it had been a God awful day. The familiar. The attack. That darkness in the woods that was getting harder and harder to avoid. It pressed in on her, made her want to run, made her want to climb out of her own skin. She thought maybe Casrian could help her do that. And that it would feel better than jumping in a river.
He groaned and tipped back his head to stare at the sky. The firelight caught the glints of stubble on his jaw. She smiled. She’d never seen him looking so scruffy before. Not even when he washalf dead in the woods. It was unfair how perfectly put together he always seemed. Like he could ride for days without sleeping, climb off his horse, and not look out of place at court before the king.
Except when he looked back down at her now there was a little bit of a wild look in his eyes.
“Maybe you were sent to punish me.”
“I’ve thought that about you before too,” she said honestly.
He laughed, a low rumble in his chest that shivered right through her body.
