I did not like the casual way he stated this, as if it were something he not only believed but had accepted as fact. It pained me, and I wished to travel to his village and tell his parents that they had done this. That they had planted this seed of belief and watered it, allowed it to grow into something unpleasant.
“You have talents.” He shook his head again before looking down at the packed dirt floor. I wanted to reach up and lift his eyes to mine so he could see the conviction behind my words. “You do,” I repeated. I took a step closer. If I could not force him to look at me, to see that I spoke only the truth, I could get closeenough to guarantee that he could hear it. “You are charismatic. You are a natural born merchant. You have an eye for beauty, and—”
My words cut off as I realized how close we were standing. He was gazing down at me, his eyes soft. A heat had grown between us, one I’d felt only a few times in my life. I swallowed hard, my eyes landing on his lips.
I had never paid much attention to anyone’s lips before, but his captured me. They were dusky pink, thinner on the bottom than the top. His tongue darted out between them and left behind a glisten of spit. My heart stuttered in my chest, followed closely behind by an almost overwhelming hunger.
I wanted to know what those lips tasted like, to feel them pressed against my own. I had felt them once before, tasted them, but we had been boys then. I craved a more recent memory. One of my hands began to move, almost of its own accord. I was moving as if in a trance.
And then, the trance was broken by the obnoxious sound of my sibling clearing their throat.
We jolted apart, and Oleander scampered from the stall, calling over his shoulder that he would see me tomorrow.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I interrupt something?” Acantha questioned, their voice an amused purr.
I picked up the ledger book from the counter and threw it at them. I might have hit them, had they not doubled over in laughter.
Siblings were a pain.
Chapter Five
Oleander
Charismatic.
A natural born merchant.
An eye for beauty.
Castien’s words played through my head like a persistent song set to the sound of crickets chirping outside my tent. No one offered me praise. They were too busy listing my shortcomings. Even at the shops where I worked, they told me they would give me more coin if I were better at running the shop and not simply charming the clientele. Every compliment came with the sour sting of a shortcoming being listed.
But Castien had not given a stinger.
Instead, he’d looked up at me with such tenderness in his eyes that I found myselfwanting.
When I finally fell asleep, the memory of his voice was my lullaby. The look in his eyes visited my dreams, but in my dream, his sibling did not interrupt. Our lips met in the middle, and his strong arms pulled me close. In my dream, the stall closed of its own accord and every person at the market disappeared at once. It was just me and him, his kiss, and his touch.
Oh, his touch.
In my dream, it was strong and certain. His touch was meant only for me, and it came attached to his heart. When our kiss broke, he whispered the same words he’d said earlier: charismatic, a natural born merchant, an eye for beauty. He took it further, calling me beautiful. I’d heard it before. Every lover I’d taken had called me beautiful, but in my dream, it meant more from his lips. It made my heart soar because it was the last thing he said. Not the first.
When I woke, I was so hard it ached. My hand moved silently over my hard cock, and when I came, his name fell from my lips in a soundless cry.
There was a skip to my step as I moved through the morning market crowds. I could lie to myself, claim that it was simply the excitement of finding my future spouse that had me moving the way I was. But dishonesty was not among the list of my many shortcomings, particularly when it came to myself. It left a poor taste in my mouth. Or it would if dishonesty had a flavor.
No, the reason for my pep was the man waiting for me at his stall.
Waiting to help me find a marriage.
My step stuttered, and I began to walk slowly. It did not matter that it had looked as if he was going to kiss me yesterday. He was helping me find a life partner, and while I knew love and marriage did not have to be synonymous, I wanted it to be for me. I did not want a marriage that was nothing more than names on parchment and shared legal status. I did not want a cold marital bed where we both found warmth other places.
My parents had many flaws, but they had shown me what marriage could be, and I wanted that more than I wanted anything.
My head was full of thoughts by the time I reached Castien’s stall. Acantha was stocking oils for the timepieces, and Castien was nowhere to be seen as I approached. Maybe he had changed his mind, or maybe he’d only meant to help me once. Maybe what had happened between us, that shared moment that I was not entirely convinced I hadn’t imagined had sent him running toward the proverbial hills and he was hiding.
Luckily, cowardice was also not one of my shortcomings.
I drew myself up to my full height and walked toward Acantha with a confidence I did not feel. “Is Castien here?”
