“Yes, we opted in for testing. Aspen and I both gave our samples this morning; I don’t like the idea of taking any risks with our baby. If there are any other tests or things I can do, I’m happy to.” Rhett sounds wildly confident, considering how nervous he just was a few seconds ago.
My heart soars with the way he is already stepping up. I knew in my heart he would be the best dad. The rest of the ultrasound goes smoothly; she shows us what she’s looking at and talks us through it the whole way. It’s utterly life-changing seeing your baby for the first time, hearing their heartbeat. So much so that I don’t think I will walk out of this office the same person. Now, I’m a mom.
We schedule our next appointment and make our way out to the car. We get in, but Rhett doesn’t start the car right away; he sits grasping the steering wheel for dear life. “Aspen, I am so sorry. But there is something I need to tell you.”
My stomach drops as I unbuckle my seatbelt and turn to him. “Okay…” I try to sound calm, but “I need to tell you something” rarely means good news. It’s always bad news.
He swallows and flexes his hands around the steering wheel. “No one knows about this outside of my family. I’ve never told any of my friends, Weston and Mav included. I have a family history of Becker Muscular Dystrophy.”
I try and rack my brain for what that is. There are so many dystrophies out there, some more severe than others, that I try and remember what this one means. “I’m sorry, Rhett, I don’t know what that is,” I say quietly.
He avoids my gaze. “My grandpa on my mom’s side died from it when I was eighteen.”
I look to him, his insistence on genetic testing making sense now. “Is it inherited?” I question softly.
He again answers with a nod.
My heart breaks at the thought of that, at the thought of this being something Rhett is going to have to go through. “Do you have it?”
“I…I don’t know.” He finally looks at me. “But it’s why I never wanted a family or a wife, because God forbid if I do have it, it’s bad and it gets ugly.”
It all makes so much sense now, why he was only available to a certain degree, why he never dated not just me, but anyone. I think the last girlfriend I remember him having was in high school.
Trying to keep my composure, I swallow down the emotion that starts creeping its way up. “Okay, if you do have it, what does that look like?”His eyes meet mine, and he looks so defeated, so hopeless, and it breaks my heart. He thinks hard with small, slow nods of his head.
“Worst case scenario, I become so weak I can’t care for myself, and everyone I love around me has to do it while watching me wither away to nothing.”Hearing those words makes my heart shatter into a million sharp little pieces, piercing me in such a way it's hard to breathe. Rhett is strong for everyone, and right now, I need to be strong for him.
“Okay, and what’s the best-case scenario?”
He looks pained, afraid to imagine that life. “I don’t carry the gene at all and our baby is safe and I can live a long and happy life without having to worry about being a burden.”
The fact that he thinks he can ever be a burden to me is like salt on a wound. All this time he didn’t think he deserved happiness, or love, simply because he wanted to protect everyone else.
Taking in a deep breath, I center myself. “Okay. Until we know more, we are going to plan for the best-case scenario. Is there a way to be tested?”He nods. “Yeah. I’ve been too afraid, but now it looks like I don’t have much of a choice.”
“It’s okay to be afraid, Rhett. Everyone is sometimes; you don’t have to have it all together all of the time.”
Tears fill his eyes. “Are you afraid?”
I heave out a breath. “I just found out that I am significantly farther along, and I’m having a baby with my brother's bestfriend, which means I am going to have to tell said brother about us; that alone leaves me terrified.”
He pales. “Fuck. I am not looking forward to that.”
“I’ll make you a deal: we won’t talk to Weston about this until we know more. Let’s get you an appointment with a specialist, get tested, and we can figure out what’s next after, okay?”
He nods, but his eyes look so damn sad. So much worry and weight is floating around.
I pull him into me, needing to make him feel okay even for just a second. He is everyone else’s strong and steady. My hand gently rubs his back and I feel him sink into me, into the embrace.
A large part of me wonders how long he has carried this around. How long he has drowned himself with worry and the fear of being a burden. Even if he wasn’t the father of my child, he is so much more than that. He is my favorite person.
A warm teardrop splashes onto my shirt and I hold him tighter, letting him unravel. Letting him fall apart. “Rhett, I want you to know that I will be here no matter what. You could never be a burden to me.”
His exhale is shaky, and more drops wet my shirt. I hold him like this, holding onto him for dear life. Hoping that if I hold him long enough and tight enough, he will see himself the way I do. Strong and kind and none of the awful things he’s conditioned himself to believe.
Chapter 13
Aspen
