“You’re growing a baby; you’re allowed to eat as many grilled cheeses as you need to feel satiated. I’m happy to help. I did Google the morning sickness thing; it said that small and frequent high-protein meals and snacks can help.”
She tilts her head, her eyes warming. “Okay, I can give that a try. You been googling any other baby things?”
Grabbing her plate from in front of her, I level with her. “Yes, but half of them are stupid questions, and I will not be repeating them.”
She sighs over dramatically. “You know, I could really use a laugh today.”
“I would do literally anything for you, but that.”
She groans. “Ugh, fine. Party pooper. Have you told your parents yet about the whole pregnancy thing?” she asks.
The question catches me off guard and I have to focus on schooling my features. “No, not yet.” I hang my head because truthfully, they won’t be all that excited and that’ll sting.
Aspen and I come from different worlds. Her folks are some of the best people I’ve ever met. They’re kind and supportive. They’ve set their kids up for a lifetime of success, not just with the business but with the way they raised them.
I, on the other hand, had pretty decent parents, a bit on the absentee side. They moved me around a lot when I was younger, and then settled on Windy Peaks to raise me. I’m forever grateful for that, because I wouldn’t have the Taylors without them. Once they met new people and got remarried, I think I became an afterthought, or a relic of their failed marriage. It used to hurt, but Mabel and Jack filled their shoes and then some.
“I bet you’re biting at the bit to tell yours,” I say, forcing a smile on my face.
“Yeah, I need to do it soon, before they find out from my blabbermouth of a brother.”
I nod, swallowing down some of the fear that I have. It’d be nice if I didn’t have to deal with it all at once. Chasing a potential diagnosis and telling the people I love that I’ve been sneaking around for the last couple of years. “That’s probably a good idea.”
She studies me for a second, reaching her hand out to rest on mine. “Rhett, I know you want to be there for me, but it’s okay if we wait to tell them about you being the father until you get some of the other stuff figured out.”
I hide my eyes from hers. “It feels like I’m failing you if I don’t stand with you every step of the way. I’ve felt like a coward a lot lately, and I don’t want to add another thing to that.”
She gets up from the stool, walks around to the side of the counter I stand at, and tugs at my shoulders so I face her. “You are not a coward, Rhett. Being afraid doesn’t make you a coward. Not to me.”
I look at her, studying her beautiful face. The way her warm brown eyes shine with conviction and wonder how it’s possibly to be so damn lucky and damned at the same time. Blessed to know her but not blessed enough to have her. A fucking curse.
“You are the definition of grace, Aspen. I hope you know that.”
She squeezes my hand once before dropping it, putting space between us. Space that I dread. “That means a lot coming from you. We’ll wait to tell my parents about you being the dad until you have answers. This is our baby; we get to make the decisions that work best for us.”
I nod once, feeling both relieved and guilty. Seems to be a constant rotation of emotions for me. Relieved when Aspen is in my presence, guilty that I have to keep her at arm’s length. Relieved that she is truly a remarkable woman, and guilty that I’ve even put her in this position. It’s never-ending.
Aspen’s arms wrap around my waist, pulling me in for a hug. I try to keep distance from her most days, but right now, I could use the steady respite her touch brings.
She pulls back after a few seconds. “Do you want me here when you tell your parents? I know you guys aren’t super close, but I’m sure it’s still nerve-wracking.”
I shove my hands in my pockets. “Honestly, I don’t think they will have much of a reaction at all. They’re not really around to be grandparents, anyway. Your parents are going to be the ones our kids hang out with. Their involvement is what matters to me.”
Her smile is slow and soft. “They love you, you know? My parents.”
The corners of my lips lift because without a doubt I know that. They’re the ones who taught me what a parent’s love should look like. Jack taught me what being a good father is. “Yeah, I know. They made sure of that.”
She nods, “They’re good at that, huh?”
I lean against the counter. “The best.”
“Well, for now. I get the feeling you’ll be putting in some strong dad work.” She says it without any hesitation. Not even a trickle of doubt. “I need to get to Ava’s before it gets too late. I’ve got about an hour before I tap out on energy for the day.” She takes a step back and starts for the living room.
I lift off the counter and follow on her heels. “Alright, text me when you get home. Thanks for stopping by and hanging out with me for a bit.”
I help her into her jacket, watch her walk to her car and don’t turn around until I see her taillights disappear. What I wouldn’t give to be able to have her stay.
Chapter 15
