Finally getting to my feet, I am significantly more winded than I should be. All that running I did before pregnancy seems futile now. Getting up off the floor is like a damn Olympic sport.
He arrives in my door frame, and as his eyes meet mine, I feel him analyze me. “Why are you crying?”
Trying to explain to a man that you can totally handle his whole ordeal, your complicated past together, but a shirt and pants not fitting is the straw that breaks the camel's back feels about as difficult as getting up off the floor quickly.
“It’s nothing.” I shake my head and divert my eyes.
“If it bothers you, it’s not nothing; talk to me.” He steps into the room, and damn it, it’s like his energy charges the air. I am so incredibly aware of him, it feels electric.
“You’re going to laugh at me,” I groan, still trying not to look at him.
His index finger and thumb gently grab onto my chin, tilting my face up to look at him. The concern laced there makes my heart race and I wish it wouldn’t because the more it does, the less I can deny that things have changed. Or, really, they’re the exact same; I just can’t lie to myself anymore.
He doesn’t relent, so I let it all out, “None of my clothes are fitting. I don’t have an overly impressive bump yet, but my jeans won’t zip, my hips have suddenly grown overnight and I feel… I don’t know. Frumpy.”
He laughs and my heart stings. I knew he would laugh. Men just don’t get it.
“It’s not funny, Rhett.”
He cups my head in his hands. “What’s funny is you not realizing you are the most beautiful woman in every single room you walk in. Your jeans not fitting doesn’t change that. Your body is going to continue to change, and you know what? I love it. I love that you’ve got our baby in there. The bigger that bump gets the stronger our baby gets.”
The gesture is far too intimate, and just what I needed. “You don’t think I look like Winnie the Pooh?”
He drops his hands and I immediately miss his touch. “Not even a little bit. Put on whatever is comfortable for you and let's go to the doctor.”
“Food after?” I ask. I need something to make this day a bit better.
“I didn’t know that was an optional?” he jokes. “And, if you need some good news to make you feel better, my CK test came back good.” The corner of his mouth tips up. I wish I could see that he felt relieved, but I get the feeling that won’t come for him until we get the results from the genetic testing.
It does however make me feel ten times lighter. As of this moment his body isn’t showing signs of disease, and that is something to be grateful for. “That’s day making news, Rhett.” I reach out and squeeze his hand.
“I’m going to step out so you can get dressed.” He turns and goes to step out of the room, but pauses in the door frame. “Aspen, you really do look beautiful today.”
My cheeks and my chest warm with the sincerity ringing out through him. It feels as if I could melt on the spot. “Thanks.”
Complaining about my body changing while he’s worried about his failing now seems a bit selfish. I am growing life. A tiny life that is half him and half me, and I think that’s worth my body changing for.
I find a pair of leggings and an oversized shirt that is now just a shirt, and we head out. Spring has sprung, and little yellow flowers litter the side of the highway, making our dive through the mountain even better. The Aspen trees are sprouting their leaves which is always my favorite. It feels symbolic this year. This year, I too am sprouting. Growing into someone new. Someone’s mom.
We pull up at the hospital, its large glass windows reflecting the sun. Originally, I was going to transfer to Windy Peaks, but I've grown a bit attached to our OB, and I already know this office. I feel good here, so I think I’ll finish this pregnancy off at this location.
The appointment was pretty uneventful since I haven’t done my ultrasound yet. She’ll call me with the results.
“That never gets old,” Rhett says as we step out into the parking lot, heading to his truck.
“What?” I ask. It can’t be the walk around the hospital. Really, once you’ve been in one, you’ve been in them all. Linoleum floors, the smell of disinfectant and nurses rushing this way and that.
“Hearing the baby's heartbeat. It’s so cool.” His smile stretches across his face, and it’s one of his good ones. Unfiltered and unburdened. I love it. I love that this baby makes him that happy.
“It’s the best. In a few short months we’ll be holding that heartbeat.” I affectionately bump my shoulder into him.
His grin gets even bigger as he throws his arm around my shoulders, shocking the hell out of me. Until recently, his touch was scarce. I’ve missed it so much, sometimes I daydream about the times he used to hold me. But as his arms pull me closer into him, I realize the daydream will never be as good as the real thing.
Chapter 21
Rhett
There’s a lot of things I can handle, but seeing Aspen sad is not one of them. We men pretty much get the best stick draw when it comes to babies. We get to have a few moments of fun, make our deposit, and then just be emotional support. Aspen's body is changing on the daily, so the least I could do is help her find clothes she feels good in.
