The smile dissipates when I remember that I need to ask Weston where we’re getting feed from tonight. He bought some at an auction, and one of us needs to go get it. Since Aspen is working for a few hours, I thought I’d volunteer.
I roll my head back and forth, shoulder to shoulder, trying to calm my nerves as I walk toward the barn. Pushing through the door, I turn left and knock on the propped-open door as I step into the office.
It’s still an adjustment, Weston running this place. Seeing him behind the desk of the office. Though to be fair, Jack avoided this office like the plague. Technology repulsed him. Hence the reason Weston had to hire Willow to bring this joint up to the twenty-first century.
He looks up from his desk; he doesn’t outright glare at me this time, so that’s a win.
“Hey, Aspen is working extra today and I heard you needed someone to get that hay you bought at auction. Do you have the address? I can head out now.”
He looks at me for all of three seconds before turning back to the computer screen. “It’s about an hour south of here. I’ll text you the address.”
“Thanks.” I turn to walk out of the office, but I slow, wanting so badly to fix this between us. So I turn on my heels. “You know, the baby will be here in less than two months and I really wanted us to at least be friends again by the time he came. I get why you’re mad, truly I do, but I love her. She is no doubt the love of my life, so I won’t regret her. I can’t, but I am sorry that I hurt you in the process. I miss you. You’re still a brother to me, even if I’m not to you right now.”
He doesn’t look at me; he simply hangs his head. This is the most I've seen out of him in what feels like forever. “I don’t know how to let it go. How could you lie to me for so long if you love me like a brother?”
It's on the tip of my tongue to say we didn’t outright lie, but a lie by omission is still a lie. “For a lot of reasons. Some feel valid, but I understand why it’s not to you.”
He picks his head up and looks at me. I can see the torment there, the pain. It’s in mine when I look at him, too. I wasn’t raised with siblings. The people in this family are the closest thing I’ve ever had.
“It wasn’t something we were planning on continuing. It all happened one night, and it turns out, I couldn’t be away from her. But, with everything I had going on, I couldn’t commit to her without guilt. I was too scared to get answers about BMD at the time. It made things incredibly complicated. We kept promising each other we were done. Eventually, fate called our bluff, and now you have a nephew coming.”
He nods. I can only imagine how difficult this would be to understand from the outside. “Because you might have had that muscular dystrophy thing, that’s why you didn’t want to be with her?”
I take a step closer, wanting to close the gap we have between us. To be best friends again. “Believe me when I tell you, I’ve always wanted her. All of her. The sass included.” He’s one of the only people who would understand what an undertaking that is, and I’m glad to do it.
“I didn’t want to leave her with an impaired partner. I was letting fear rule my life, instead of trusting that things would work out. I let fear lead me into loneliness and some bad choices, one of them being lying to you.”
“When did you realize you loved her?”
“I don’t know if I can remember a time when I didn’t. When she came back from college, something had shifted. I couldn’t stop thinking about her even then. You're her brother, so I don’t think you want all the details, but just know that girl has had my heart since the second I kissed her. I was utterly fucked because I felt my whole world shift in that moment. It’s like it has slipped into place, only that place was fucking terrifying for me.”
He spins his chair and looks at me now. “She seems incredibly happy. You seem happy with her. It’s hard to be mad when I see her this happy. I hate the way you did it, but I do get it more now.” He stands, looking at his boots for a second.
I don’t want to rush him; I want to let him process and deal with this. Ask as many questions as he wants.
He tucks his hands into his front pocket and levels me with a glare. “If you break her heart, we’ve got hundreds of acres out here. No one would find you.”
I nod. “I couldn’t hurt that girl if my life depended on it. I know I hurt you, but the one thing you can trust me with is her heart. I promise.”
He sticks out his hand across the desk. “I forgive you. I’ll keep working on my issues. But you’re still my brother. I still love you.”
My hand meets his and we shake. I think he wants his distance right now and a hug would be too much. This though, this still means everything. I’ll get the girl and get to keep her brother as my best friend, just you wait and see.
Chapter 33
Aspen
The sun shines through the diner window as my mom, Ava, and Willow sit down for brunch and baby shower planning.
“Did you know that themed baby showers are really in right now? They’re all over Pinterest and those cute baby websites,” Willow says as she sits down.
Willow was a consultant while she lived in New York. With that, she became kind of a guru at anything businesses could possibly need. A jack of all trades, if you will. This comes in handy for more things than you’d think. She completely updated how the ranch runs its back office, she got a whole new side business of airbnbs going, and now, she’s doubling as an event planner.
“Do you have any themes that you would want?” Ava asks.
“Uh, no. I didn’t realize that was a thing,” I say as I relax back into the padded booth.
This diner has been around for ages; in fact, I think this is the very diner my parents had their first date at. It’s cute and even though they’ve updated it in little bits throughout the years, the classic diner charm has never left it.
