The look of hope and borderline desperation on her face makes this an easy yes. “Alright. After you're done feeding, let’s load up and we can go drive around for an hour.”
“Oh thank the Lord. I was going with or without you, but I much prefer being a passenger princess.”
I lean down and kiss her, unable to help myself. “You look too good in my passenger seat to miss out on seeing it today.”
“You’re so sweet. But I am the equivalent of a human baked potato right now.”
“You’re as hot as ever, and maybe even hotter than you were because your tits are out all the time.” I wink at her with a grin.
“Ah, glad to see you’re still eighteen at heart. I feel like my boobs look scary, so I’m glad one of us is enjoying them,” she says, looking down as Jackson finishes up feeding. “I just need to burp him and then go to the bathroom and put on a shirt”
“Perfect. I will make sure his diaper bag is loaded and then come back to grab him while you get ready.” We’ve left the house once, and I’m pretty sure we only used one diaper, but I’m going to double-check regardless.
Just as I thought, it’s good to go; I added a couple of diapers in for good measure. “Alright, I’ll take him. You take as long as you need.”
Jackson, very milk drunk, immediately falls asleep as I start walking down the hallway. I sit down on the couch and hold him out in front of me.
Sometimes this all feels too good to be true. That this little guy is all mine. That I get to teach him about life, love, messing up, and making it right. It’s terrifying, sure, but I think having known the fear of thinking I wouldn't get to do this made it seem so much easier to embrace.
I’m grateful for being tired. I’m grateful the house is a mess; I’m grateful I get to hold him in my arms. This is the dream. Well, this and loving his mom.
His sleepy eyes blink open once, looking right at me, before falling right back asleep. To be his safe space is a gift I will never take lightly.
This little quiet time when it’s just he and I is my new favorite thing. I memorize every piece of him over and over, because I know tomorrow it’ll be different. I’m going to blink twice and hewill be eighteen and gone. So I make sure to never take these quiet moments for granted.
“Okay, I’m ready.” Aspen steps out in a pair of leggings and one of my T-shirts. I hope that she never stops that. Seeing her wear my clothes out and about just does it for me.
“Alright, buddy. Let’s load you up,” I whisper.
The second we step out of the house, Aspen takes a big deep breath as the sun shines on her. “The vitamin D is already calming the crazy.”
“We’ll be sure to drive with the windows down then; fresh air works miracles.” That’s one thing I’ve learned all these years out here in these mountains. There’s nothing Wyoming air can’t make better.
“Perfect,” Aspen says. “And I have an idea for our drive today.”“Oh goodie.” Her ideas border on terrifying half the time.
“Let’s go pick out land to build our house. Dad said he didn’t care where, and neither did the boys.” She looks at me like she’s the lucky one.
“That sounds like my perfect day. I have a spot in mind. It’ll be a bit more of a drive up the mountain, but the sunsets are gorgeous.”
“Let’s go pick out our forever spot.” She reaches her hand out for mine and I lace my fingers with hers.
We walk to the truck, our souls laced together, just like our hands. It was a rough road getting here. I get to live my wildest fantasy every single day, saddled up with the love of my life and baby in tow.
Epilogue
Aspen
Christmas has always been magical. My parents made it that way, but now that our house is filled with the sound of little feet on the floor, even more so. I’m living a life I didn’t know was possible just a few short months ago. It’s heaven-sent, really.
Sure, my boobs have about had it with breastfeeding. Jackson has teeth now, and he makes sure I know it. My New Year's resolution is to get him off the boob. I’m going to miss those tender moments between us, when the whole world is sleeping and it’s just my body fueling his. The sweet cuddles on the recliner in his nursery. But I’m really looking forward to being myself again. To not tracking ounces in and ounces out. I wonder what I will do with all that free time.
“Go get her, buddy,” I hear from outside the door.
I woke up to an empty bed, which must mean my sweet baby daddy is taking the morning shift. It’s easier to do now thatJackson eats pretty much everything we do, and we have more than enough milk supply in the freezer.
The bedroom door creaks open and the room fills with the sound of his sweet giggles. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it; I often wonder how I ever lived without the high of hearing my sons laugh.
“Mommomomoma,” comes out of his mouth and I sit up and stretch for half a second before leaning over and scooping him up. He is quickly learning how to talk with all the time he spends with me and his uncle Weston. Really, we’ll be lucky if he ever stops if he takes after the two of us.
