“I didn’t get it,” she nearly whined. I could hear sniffles through the line. My mom wasn’t one for displays of emotion. I think I’d seen her cry a total of two times, at each of her parents’ funerals.
“Didn’t get what, Mom? Are you sure you’re okay?”
She collected herself and took a deep breath. When her voice came through the line again, it was back to its normal strength. “Yes, and I don’t need you worrying over me, Brooke. I’m just sorry I wasn’t more sensitive to how hard things have been for you. I never really let myself imagine the pain and discomfort you might be feeling. To receive an arthritis diagnosis so young like you did—I just couldn’t fully wrap my head around it. Maybe I didn’t want to.”
“I get it, Mom. You wanted me to be healthy. It’s a normal thing to want for your kid. I wanted me to be healthy, too.”
“I was naive,” my mom admitted. “You know I’ve never had much in the way of health problems, sturdy stock and all that”—I chuckled internally at the familiar phrase—“but it’s just such aninconvenience. So many things I have to be more careful doing now, and I... I just want you to know that I’m here for you. I’m sorry if I wasn’t helpful enough before.”
“I appreciate that, Mom. I’ll let you know if I need anything.”
“You’ve always been so strong and tried so hard to be perfect... and that’s a good thing, Brooke. I admire that about you. But I’m so sorry I wasn't there for you like I should’ve been. Like I want to be. And I wish I had told you, but I’m telling you now... You don't have to be strong all the time, my girl.”
We talked for another hour, my mom sharing stories about her most annoying coworkers, me updating her on Whit’s preparations for the new baby.
The conversation wasn’t perfect, but for us, it was progress. I thought Cheryl would be pretty proud.
I spentthe rest of the month of January putting most of my energy into working in my new unit, as well as helping Whit get ready for the baby.
Basically, I spent 90% of my time distracting myself from thinking about Cade and our couch make-out session.
I wasn’t very successful.
When February rolled around, my coworkers began sharing their Valentine’s plans of ice skating, fancy dinners, candlelight concerts, and other romantic events that made an almost-24-and-single girl feel a deep pang of longing.
One night I found myself flipping through my high school yearbook, reminiscing. I reached for my phone, hovering over Cade’s contact. We’d only ever texted at this point, never called. I didn’t even know if he’d pick up—he could be working, or on a date (boy, that’s an unwelcome thought). I pushed to call, and my anxiety skyrocketed with each consecutive ring.
Finally he picked up, out of breath. “Sorry B—I was in the shower.”
Cuethatmental image.
“I just wanted . . . to say hi.”
“Hi.” I could hear his smile, and I smiled back.
“Remember Johnny Campbell?” I blurted.
“From school? Yeah.” He laughed. “Where did that come from? Haven’t thought about him in years.”
“I’m looking through the yearbook.”
“Oh God,Brooke—” his voice came out in a huff. “Make sure you avoid any pages where I look scrawny and goofy.”
“You weren’t scrawny,” I defended, internally chuckling at how he used my full name when he was being more serious.“I forgot you’d played soccer.” I ran my fingers over the glossy pages.
“Champion benchwarmer,” he said in a braggy tone. I laughed. “Unlike Miss Volleyball Star.”
“You know what I miss?”
“What’s that?” I heard him moving around, maybe laying down on the bed or the couch.
“I miss your basement.” I flopped onto my own bed. “I thought about it that week at your parents’. House feels weird without it.”
“God, me too. Can you believe they filled it in before the rebuild? I guess it was old and the wiring was faulty. Not up to code. The fire department thought it was probably the source of the fire. My mom freaked—she knew how much time you and I spent down there. She didn’t want to think what would’ve happened if we’d been down there when it started.”
“I didn’t know that was why,” I said quietly.
“Lot of memories down there,” he said softly. “It’s so funny that we both kind of picked our jobs based on that experience.”
