“I will but you’ll need to keep it to yourself. I don’t want anything getting out. Not that there’s anything to get out yet.”
“You could be the next lesbian ‘it’ couple but I know you probably wouldn’t want that.”
“I don’t know what I want. All I know is I’m happy to keep talking to her and I’m looking forward to seeing her again now that we’re back home.”
“Oh you’re already smitten, sweet Rona, but I’ll shut up. I know my place.”
Oscar went outside for his vape. I would try to gently ask him more about how he was really doing once he came back.
I checked my phone. Lily hadn’t texted back yet. I didn’t particularly want to be a celebrity lesbian couple. But we weren’t even a couple yet, so this theorising was ridiculous.
I stared at the part of the sofa Flavia had sat on. Poor girl. I wouldn’t wish her crumbling age gap situationship on anyone, especially someone so young.
~ 11 ~
Lily
Nikki and Sophie convened on my sofa as if they were about to perform an intervention. Both were fully clad in our team tracksuit, or rather my old team, having just come straight from training. Nikki always gave me the feeling like she could jump up and do a somersault. She was that springy and athletic. Her pace down the right-hand side was phenomenal and she didn’t have much patience. You always knew where you stood with Nikki, and I liked that. Sophie was an engine of the team like me, seeing all and orchestrating the play from midfield. She’d set me up for many goals over the years. We were a formidable midfield pair. I owed a lot of my career to her. Our friendship had always been a trio, but lately, I was feeling like I didn’t quite fit in.
“Coffee?” I suggested, knowing they would prefer a protein shake or something. I hadn’t been bothering to eat the same amount of food as I used to. I didn’t have the same appetite these days. I probably looked nothing like an athlete now to them.
“No, thanks,” Nikki replied.
“I’ll take one,” Sophie said, being kind.
It gave me the excuse to escape to the kitchen. They both followed me and we hovered around the kettle like it was a water cooler in an office. I hadn’t realised how messy it must have looked in here with the used cups and plates still on the counter. I kept meaning to get around to it but hadn’t.
Sophie spoke softly. “How’ve you been, Lily? You haven’t been replying to our texts and we’ve not seen you in ages. We’ve been worried about you.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve just been needing some time on my own.”
Nikki gave me a look.
I sighed. “I haven’t been feeling myself lately.”
“What’s going on?” Sophie asked.
Part of me wished I didn’t have to share and be so open with my closest friends, but I knew good communication was important. It’s what had held us all together over the years. The kettle boiled and I left it there.
“I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to try new things and find something to do but since I got back from Greece all I seem to actually do is mope about the house and sit around watching Netflix. To be fair, I’ve had a lot of shows to catch up on.” I didn’t want to let them know that I had started having a few beers at home by myself too. I’d never done that before, being so focused on my game and all that. I took a deep breath, wishing they didn’t know me so well sometimes. We’d been through so much together – tough matches, penalty shoot outs, injuries, breakups. The list was endless.
“It’s a huge adjustment,” Sophie said. “You’re bound to be finding it difficult. We’re missing you at the club, big time. Are you still training?”
I gave her a small smile when she said they’d been missing me at the club. It felt like a limb had been ripped off me, not being there anymore. “I’ve been going on some runs and long walks. Need it to keep me sane.”
“It’s good you’re keeping active.” Sophie took over making the coffee. She’d taken her long red hair out of her pony, and it swung about her face.
“What new things do you want to try?” Nikki asked while doing a standing quad stretch. “Sorry, I’m still a little tight from training.”
I paused for a long time, embarrassed that I couldn’t articulate anything. This lack of direction was driving me mad.
“Are you still going to join Sam on the BBC commentating on the WSL?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Great.” Nikki started pushing against the kitchen counter, one leg out behind her, stretching her calves. “What an amazing opportunity. I think you’re going to be brilliant at it.”
I was waiting for the feeling to match my head. It was an incredible opportunity but for some reason, I still wasn’t feeling excited about it. It felt like I’d be going back into my old life, but not as the me I used to be. “Thanks. I hope so.” I did not want to mess up on live television, and I did not want to sound ungrateful. Nikki and Sophie were still in the professional football world and saw commentating on the BBC as the jackpot for retirement.
