I just wanted to be her safe place. Her safe person. I opened my arms and we hugged. I squeezed her tight. Neither of us let go as walkers brushed past.
She pulled back slightly. “You would make an excellent coach, by the way.”
“Funny you should say that because when I was on the show today I kind of realised that I would love to be a podcaster. I think I want to start my own podcast.”
“That’s amazing! I can see you being fantastic at that. What would you talk about?”
“Fuck knows. I don’t even know if my episode on his podcast is going to be okay, but I think it’s what I want todo next. I loved the whole setup. The control that he has over the content and choosing who to speak to. The way he learns along with his listeners. Getting to ask smart people lots of questions. I think that’s what I want to do. You know I love learning and I feel like I can reach more people with my own podcast.”
“People would love to hear you talk about things. Move over mediocre men, Lily Sharpe is moving into the space. This is so exciting.”
“That’s a thought. I mean, everyone seems to have a podcast now.”
“You could take on the manosphere.”
“God no. Leave them and whatever the fuck they are doing alone.”
Rona laughed. “Yes but just you doing a podcast would help counterbalance all the male voices out there. Former captain of England speaks, people will listen. This is wonderful.”
“I just hope I would have something to say. Anything, actually.”
“That I don’t worry about. Once you get your head around this, you’ll be unstoppable.”
I took her hand and we started walking again. The restaurant by the river came into view. Fairy lights hung like bunting outside.
Rona squeezed my hand.
My heart swelled. It was so pretty but the real reason I was so happy was because we were here together, and life seemed full of opportunities again.
“Rona, let’s take a picture.”
“Oh, okay.”
I got my phone out and we turned so the restaurant and river were behind us. We huddled in close and I kissed theside of her cheek a few times while snapping. “Just want to remember this moment forever.”
“You’re so sweet.”
“I love you.”
Rona’s mouth opened in surprise. Her eyes went fully wide. “Oh.”
My heart raced. How did that slip out? “I’m sorry. It’s too soon. I beg your pardon.”
“You beg my pardon?” She laughed. “Since when did you become formal?”
I was despondent. Raw. My heart was pounding. She wasn’t saying it back. She was smiling though.
“Lily.” She took both my hands and gazed into my eyes. “I love you, too.”
***
I interlaced my fingers with Rona’s and took her into my bedroom. We’d been talking all evening at the restaurant basking in the afterglow of declaring our love for each other, which was wonderful, but I’d also made sure our Uber was booked so we could make it back here as quickly as possible.
“She means business,” Rona said, falling onto my bed slightly tipsy. We’d shared a bottle of wine at dinner. “I can see you as this hot successful business owner. Kind of ruthless and strict with her employees. Maybe I’d be one of them. Maybe I’d need some disciplinary action. What’s on the agenda, Ms Sharpe?”
I unbuttoned my shirt, holding her gaze. Rona sometimes used humour to deflect from how she was feeling. Since we admitted our love, she’d had this soft glazed look in her eyes all evening. I caught her staring at me once or twice, as if she was trying to work out if all this was real. Her silence when I told her I’d been feeling thisway for a while and subsequent welling up, told me that she was feeling a lot tonight too.
Because I sure as hell was all in my feelings too and now I needed to externalise them. Sitting across from her at dinner just wasn’t enough.
