“Look at me, Alice. Did you know?”
I meet his eyes and answer, barely above a whisper. “Yes.”
His voice and body language shift as if he’s crossed over from confusion to anger. “So you’ve been lying to everyone? Is anything you told me true?”
“Charlie, yes! Everything I’ve told you is true except for where I’m really from. I’m still me! I’m still Alice, I promise you. I never wanted to cause you, or anyone, any pain.”
Charlie paces the room, thinking quietly, stopping momentarily in disbelief. He seems to be summing up a total of everything. He appears to almost be somewhat accepting of everything he’s learned until something in his face fades, as though he’s come to a realization. He finally breaks with the question I’ve been dreading. “Why Titanic?”
I don’t know how to answer, and he deserves to know the truth. Whatever I say will hurt him.
“It’s…” I stop myself. I can’t jeopardize the work we’re doing, or even history itself. I can’t be selfish. My selfishness is what’s gotten me into this mess. “I can’t tell you. I have to let history unfold or else the entire future is in question.” I cannot plant the seed in his head for what is to happen. He is a selfless man. He will surely single-handedly try to ensure the collision does not happen, without realizing the catastrophic ramifications that act of heroism will have. My breath is rapid, almost as if I’m hyperventilating.
He takes a step toward me. “Alice, please. Have I given you reason not to trust me?”
“Charlie,” I whisper. I am faltering in my resolution. I am begging him not to press this further, but he remains determined.
“I believe you owe me this, Alice. I deserve to know.”
His eyes are pleading with me, and I succumb to them.
“Titanic will sink.”
He stares at me in disbelief, his face turns ghostly pale. “How?”
“Iceberg. Most of the passengers will not survive.”
He takes a step back. “And me?”
“Charlie.” I shake my head frantically. “Please don’t make me say it.”
His voice turns firm. The pain and exasperation in it are killing me. “What happens to me, Alice?”
I stare at the ground. I can’t even look at him. He doesn’t deserve this. My downcast eyes give away the truth before my words do. “You’ll die.”
“You tell me I’m going to die and you can’t even look at me? You can play judge and jury, but not executioner? These are people’s lives, Alice!My life!We are not some experiment for you in the future to conduct to explain away your failures.”
Charlie stares at me, a blazing combination of tears, hurt, and anger welling up in his eyes. I try to meet his gaze, but he looks away from me, shakes his head, and walks out of my cabin. I want to go after him, but truthfully, I don’t even deserve his attention or his forgiveness. There’s nothing I can say to make this easier, or even stop anything from happening. I’ve done enough damage. For a moment, I consider grabbing my locket and holding the button, just running away right now. But that feels almost like a hit and run, a coward's retreat.
I pick up a crystal glass sitting on the table and hurl it at the wall. It shatters. And I do too. I collapse on my bed under the weight of what I’ve done. I clasp my hands over my mouth and let the tears pour. I deserve his anger, and I hate myself for hurting him. I can’t believe the position I’ve put him in. How can I expect him to hold that information to himself? What if he doesn’t? What if he warns someone?
Chapter Seventeen
The Reason by Hoobastank
April 13, 1912
I’m resigned to the fact that Charlie must despise me now, and any feelings I perceived he might have for me, romantic or otherwise, are long gone. How could I even blame him? Not only have I lied to him, but he now also shoulders the burden of knowing what will happen. I feel entirely selfish. I let my feelings cloud my judgment and get the better of me. I’ve sacrificed Charlie’s peace for the sake of my happiness and the joy I found in spending time with him. I’ve also jeopardized our work and the safety of Ben, Sarah, and Eric.
I climb out of bed and put on a pale pink silk tea dress with long lace sleeves and a dark pink accented velvet sash at the waist. The colors make me look far brighter and happier than I am. I wanted to just lie low today, but Ben insisted I have breakfast with him and I promised Violet I’d walk with her while Ben and John play shuffleboard. As much as I’d like to crawl into a hole of self-pity, I want to savor every moment I can with Violet.
I sit with Ben at breakfast in the saloon, hardly noticing plates of food put in front of me. I’m focusing all my effort on appearing perfectly fine, so as not to prompt any questioning from Ben. I’m trying to think of something to say to distract both myself and Ben, hoping I don’t slip up and tell him I’ve potentially ruined our mission, history, and possibly our lives. Luckily for me, Ben cracks the ice first.
“So Edward made a weird comment last night.”
I freeze as I spread jam on my scone. “Weird how?”Please don’t let this be about me.
“Francis was talking about some acquaintance they have. I’m not sure who he was, but his business is likely to go under from financial struggles. I think the guy stands to lose a fair bit of money with the closure. I was only half listening. Normally when they talk about finance and business, it’s so god-awful dull. I rarely have much to offer to the conversation because Edward loves to hear himself talk so much he constantly pivots everything back to himself. But he made a passing comment about how things like that are avoidable with a little strategy and ingenuity. I don’t know. I could be reading into it, but it felt like he was implying something. Maybe it’s just the way he said it. I mean, you know how his tone can be so…”
