April 14, 1912
The sound of the dinner bugle snaps me out of my trance. Ben and John walk over to escort us back to our cabins to get ready for dinner.The last supper. I’m dreading an evening stuck at Edward’s table when I want to savor every moment that I can with Charlie.
Ben talks about the shuffleboard games the entire way back to the cabin. He’s very excited that he’s finally gotten the hang of it and is winning consistently. His mood seems much more relaxed than our conversation earlier. I hear him, but my mind is somewhere else. I’m not sure if he’s genuinely excited about shuffleboard or if he’s trying to fill the space between us with lighthearted conversation. Are we just avoiding how things went earlier?
We enter through the sitting room entrance of our suite and Ben immediately kicks off his shoes and plops down into a chair.
“So I set the trap for Edward last night.” He sounds proud of himself, almost smug. I’m hoping this means that I was right somehow.
“And?”
“And you’re a genius, Al. He took the bait instantly. He’s running all kinds of schemes. He’s hiding money in other accounts, so it’s untouchable. I told him about the underperforming hotel and he suggested an accidental fire that would allow me to recoup the insurance money. He even suggested it would be far more believable to be an accident if it happened during the daytime when employees were present. He’s an absolute swine.”
I can’t say I’m surprised that he’s scheming and manipulating his way to the bank, but being willing to sacrifice innocent people for his own gain, that's a new low, even for him.
“What an asshole,” I say with disgust.
Ben glances at his pocket watch. “Shit, I’ve gotta get ready for dinner.” He gets up and walks through my room toward his cabin. He’s gone before I can bring up this morning's confrontation. I don’t want to keep digging this issue back up or opening the same wounds over and over, but I feel like we need to talk about it. It’s not enough to just move on and ignore the elephant in the corner of the room. We need to address it. Are we really going to just act like nothing happened? Is this how it’s going to be now? We’ll just pretend we didn’t say the most hurtful things possible to each other?
When I enter my room, Sarah is waiting with a gown laid out for me. The under dress is an emerald green silk. The lace over dress is emerald with ornate crystal beading. It has sheer lace sleeves and a black satin sash around the waist. It is truly exquisite, and it is one of the first dresses I feel genuinely like myself in. She helps me slip on black satin gloves.
I sit and wait for Ben to be ready for dinner. I look at the clock on the table and grow impatient. I just want to get this over with, and I assumed he would be ready by now. He’s the benefactor of not having to wear multiple layers of undergarments and have his hair intricately styled. He finally knocks at the adjoining door and enters as he finishes fastening his cuff links.
He smiles at me, but then looks at Sarah. “You ready?” She nods and seems to smirk. I look around, confused. Where’s she going? They’re up to something. He looks back at me and smiles. “Oh, you’re not going to dinner, Al. At least not in the dining room.”
“What?” I stare at him, puzzled, before he walks over to me, taking my hands in his.What is going on?
“Look, I know time is running out. I can’t give you much. But I can give you this. I’ve arranged for you to have dinner here on our private promenade. I’ll tell everyone you caught too much sun today or something, should be easy enough.” Ben pauses for a moment. “Charlie is on his way.”
I was not expecting this, especially after everything that happened this morning. “You set up a date for me?” I blink rapidly, unable to comprehend his gesture.
He smiles sheepishly and nods. “Well yeah, but Sarah and Eric helped too. Eric coordinated the room service with the stewards and Sarah delivered my message to Charlie.”
“I can’t believe you all did this for me.” I am almost at a loss for words and I can feel the tears coming into my eyes. “Thank you.” I suddenly feel nervous about this date, which I don’t fully understand considering the intimacy of last night. I excitedly pull off the evening gloves. There's no need for such formality in my room. I’m not sure how Ben pulled this off, but I am grateful.
A dining room steward delivers the food to the cabin and Sarah and Eric quickly set a table on the promenade for us, leaving Ben and I alone in the sitting room.
“I can’t believe you did this for me. I thought after this morning that you were angry with me.”
“I was. I was angry with you. I was so fucking angry. I felt like you betrayed me, betrayed all of us, by doing all this. By pursuing this relationship, and telling him everything. It made me even angrier that you didn’t tell me. That hurt me the most.”
“Ben, I’m…” I try to apologize.
“And I thought about it all day.Literally all day. Honestly, my squash game was horrible this morning because of you.” He laughs, trying to break the tension. “But what I realized is that my anger wasn’t that you didn’t tell me, it’s that you didn’t think you could. You thought you had to go through this alone. That’s what truly angered me. You finally fell for someone, and you couldn’t tell your best friend. I hate that you felt that way. Even more, I hate that Imadeyou feel that way.”
“You didn’t, Ben. It was all me. I was trying to protect you. And it was wrong. I know that now. Trust me, I wanted to tell you a thousand times.”
“I’m always in your corner, Ali. I don’t care what you do, you’re my family. That shit’s unconditional. That’s why I set this whole thing up.”
“Why?”
Tears shimmer in his eyes as he takes my hands in his. “Because once I realized I couldn’t pull you back from the ledge, I figured the best thing I could do was jump with you and hold your hand on the way down.”
I feel my eyes welling up, overcome with emotion, and I pull Ben into my arms. “Thank you,” I gratefully whisper in his ear as I tightly grip him. He may never fully understand what this all means to me, this gesture, his friendship.
Ben steps back, deeply exhales, and smiles. “Okay, tell me about him.”
“What do you mean?”
