But part of me wonders what it would be like to stop bracing myself. What would happen if I let it hit me? If I let someone in?
19
last man back
LIGHT YEARS BY THE NATIONAL
I don’t think I slept a wink on the sofa last night, but the smell of bacon coming from the kitchen is drawing me in. When I head into the kitchen, Addison is already sitting at the table, wearing a soft cream sweater and a sleepy smile. She and Mum are giggling as they chat about some television show, voices overlapping like they’ve known each other for years.
I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down next to Addison. Maybe I’m crazy but it felt like her whole body tensed when I got near her.
The three of us have breakfast and chat. It’s quiet in the best way. It’s easy, comfortable, and normal. I can’t remember the last time I felt so settled.
Addison’s phone buzzes on the table. She checks it, frowns, and sighs. “I’m so sorry,” she says, already standing. “I have to take this—I’ll just be a minute.” She slips out into the hallway.
Mum waits for her to leave and then smiles at me. “She’s lovely, Ollie.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
I know she’s lovely. She’s so much more than that. But saying it out loud makes all of this—whatever this is—so much more complicated.
Mumpours herself another cup of coffee. “What’s on the agenda today?”
“We’ve got to drive back to London tonight,” I say, lifting my mug to my lips. “But until then, it’s wide open. I think maybe I’ll—”
“Sorry about that!” Addison apologizes again as she comes back into the kitchen, slipping her phone into her pocket.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah,” Addison says, nodding her head. “Just some logistics on a few community events. Nothing urgent. Could have been an email.”
Mum pushes back from the table and stands. “Right, then. I’m going to nip to the shop before it gets busy.”
“You want me to come with you?” I ask.
“Why?” Mum laughs. “So you can follow behind me with trolley rage while no one walks fast enough?” She shakes her head and waves me off. “No. You two enjoy your last day. Do something fun. We’ll have an early tea later before you go.”
Mum gives my shoulder a squeeze on her way out, leaving Addison and me sitting in silence.
“Can I take you somewhere today?” I ask softly.
Her brow lifts. “Where?”
“It’s… probably the most important place in the world to me. We don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just—” I pause, suddenly nervous and unsure of myself. “I’d just really like to take you.”
She’s silent for a moment. “Okay.”
Addison and I walk side by side from Mum’s house and down through the park. She doesn’t say much, and neither do I. It’s a comfortable kind of quiet, and I’m still plucking up the courage to explain our destination.
I take a right, and she follows me. The path opens up to a small playground, and just beyond it is a football pitch.
My first football pitch.
The goalposts are still there, though they’re rusted and slightly crooked now. The grass is patchy in spots, worn to dirt in the goalmouths.
“This is it.” I gesture toward the pitch, a half-smile tugging at my mouth. “This was my favorite place growing up.”
Addison looks at it and smiles. “So, this is where it all began, huh? The beginnings of your football career.”
