My chest twisted painfully. “That’s why I let myself be with him, Mom. I know he’s a good guy.” I knew all these things she was telling me. I could see them.
“So why are you sneaking around like teenagers? It’s not because of Tommy, is it? Because Tommy looks at Sam like he wishes he was his father. I think he’d jump for joy if he knew you two were giving it a try. You could try asking your son what he thought if you wanted to know for sure.”
I felt dizzy. Because Tommy had already indicated to me he’d be okay with me seeing Sam out in the open.
The question was—would I?
“Honey, this could be the family you always deserved. The one I—” Mom looked away, taking Henry’s hand in hers and shaking it as he cooed. She cleared her throat. “The one I screwed up in giving you.”
Another twist in my chest, and this time my throat seized along with it, tears gathering in my eyes.
“Mom. You didn’t do anything wrong raising me.”
She shook her head. “I made lots of mistakes. I didn’t show you what a loving marriage looks like. I should have leftyears before things started getting bad. Before Anthony started picking up on it.”
She shook her head. “But that’s not what I want you to know. What I want you to know is I think you’re smart about relationships. When Tommy’s father vanished, you picked yourself up and made a beautiful life for you and that sweet boy. None of what he went through is because of that, by the way. Not a single thing.”
I opened my mouth, but she wasn’t finished.
“And when things went south with that man back in California, when he tried parenting your son in a way you knew was harmful, you were gone. You are lucky in love honey, because you never stuck around with a loser. You’re only unlucky in that no one worthy enough came along any sooner. Until Sam.”
A tingling went over my neck at what she was saying. Could she be right? Was my history not a personal failing, but a matter of circumstance?
“I think you could have every happiness with Sam, Elizabeth. I’ve only known him a few days, and I love him already. I can still poke him a bit to see if he holds water, but quite honestly, I don’t know how you’re not madly in love with him.”
The thought that hit me then made me want to throw myself into the whole chickens.
I am. I’m completely in love with him.
I looked at Mom.
A tear spilled over her cheek then. “Oh honey.” She pulled me against her and I cried, right there into my Mom’s shoulder in the middle of the supermarket. I no longer cared who saw me.
I loved Sam. I loved the man who did everything to make my life easier. But I loved him when he wasn’t doing things for me, either. I loved how funny he was. How deeply he cared.How he always spoke from his heart, and thought to bring my mom flowers.
I loved him for who he was. I was completely, hopelessly gone for him.
But my heart nearly stopped when I thought about what that meant.
“Mom,” I said, barely able to say it. “What if he leaves? He’s never stayed anywhere in his life.”
“Honey, at a certain point you just have to trust he’ll keep your heart safe,” she said softly. “And if he doesn’t? Well, then I’ll be here. I’ve always been here for you Ellie-belle. Just like you’re there for your kids.”
She had been.
The breath nearly knocked itself out of me at this realization. How had I been so stupid? My mom had been a single mom too. She knew how hard it was. She’d been there for me since the very beginning.
She’d been there for me my whole life.
Maybe Sam and I could work out. Maybe he’d stay. He said he didn’t want to go anywhere, and he’d been nothing but truthful with me. He’d shown up in the biggest way for meandmy boys. Maybe he’d continue to do so, even if we didn’t work out.
But maybe we could work out. Maybe, just maybe, I could have the life with him that I’d always thought was for other, luckier people, just by accepting I could be lucky in love too. By trusting he wouldn’t let me down. And knowing that on the minuscule chance he did, I’d still be okay.
“Mom,” I said, finally pulling away. “I’m sobbing in the meat department.”
“Oh honey. The best things happen in the meat department.”
We laughed hysterically. Henry even joined in.
