“Are you a friend of Ellie’s?”
I looked up at Ellie, who looked half like she wanted to murder me still, and half like she was as confused as I was. I think if I said yes, she was a friend, she’d lean toward thatfirst thing.
“We knew each other once,” I said, which I was sure wouldn’t make sense to a kid.
But the kid shrugged. “Okay.” Then he looked at the baby, who was giggling, reaching for him. “Hey, Henry! What’s up, man!” He looked up at Ellie. “Want me to hold him, Ellie?”
“I’m sure he’d love that,” Ellie said. “But he pooped his pants pretty badly. I need to get him changed.”
The boy snorted with laughter. “Ew. I mean, sorry.”
“No, ew’s right.” She smiled briefly at the kid, before looking over at me, the smile gone, like a ghost that never was.
“Here we go,” the man said, reappearing at his door.
“I’ll get it,” I blurted. I went over and took the keys from the guy before anyone could argue. Then I went back to Ellie’s door, unlocked it, and tossed the guy his keys back without looking at him.
“Hey, he’s a good throw,” the kid said.
“Ellie, please let me explain.” I kept my voice low as she wrestled the stroller into the foyer.
But she shook her head. “No. I don’t care.”
“Let me help, then. I can?—”
But she’d already slammed the door in my face.
CHAPTER 4
Different Than I Remember
ELLIE
Cleaning up Henry took a full wipe-down, then a hose-down, and finally a soapy bubble bath where I leaned over the tub attacking him with the rubber ducky to his loud giggles.
I was the picture of calm as I toweled off my now squeaky-clean baby, checking the time to see I needed to leave to get Tommy in about twenty minutes. I practiced deep breathing as I got Henry dressed in a onesie, not bothering to put him back in clothes since it would be bedtime so soon after getting back home and making dinner. There were little baseballs all over the soft flannel, and I held him against me for a moment, inhaling his soft, sweet, baby scent.
Then I dropped to the ground with Henry in my lap, and burst into tears. I didn’t usually let myself do this. A pity-party never changed anything. Also, Ilikedmy life. Things were fine. I was fine. I had two children who were the center of my world. A roof over my head. Steady work. Sure, things weren’t always easy. Okay, they were rarely easy. They were fine though.
But seeing Sam had thrown me completely off-kilter. Thefacts I’d held as truth about our situation were starting to get mixed-up, like someone was rattling the scaffolding holding something vital up inside of me.
But I couldn’t wallow. After ugly-crying for a good minute, I saw Henry had shifted from amusement at my tears, to bafflement, to concern. Before he had the chance to dissolve into his own tears, I took a breath, smothered him with kisses, and got back on my feet again.
Henry was my do-over baby. When I first found out I was pregnant again, I’d freaked out. I’d called the clinic and even booked a time to take care of it quickly and quietly. But the night before the appointment, I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about Tommy having a little sibling. What if that was what could save him? We were in hell back then, Tommy on a road to nothing good. I knew I could do it better this time. I was older, wiser, less destitute. And I was right. Henry was the one thing that lit Tommy up. Iwasfiguring it out, exhaustion and stress be damned. I was fucking winning.
I kissed Henry on his chubby cheek, inhaling his sweet baby scent. Sam showing up was just one more wrench in the machinery. But I was a pro at those, wasn’t I?
Outside fifteen minutes later, Henry on my hip and my face freshly washed so you’d never know I was falling apart only a moment ago, I headed over to Conrad and Archie’s place. Conrad was Winona’s brother-in-law and also good friends with Kit—they’d gone to college together years ago. He was a single dad, a very nice guy despite his sometimes guarded exterior, and had saved my butt more than once since I’d moved in three months ago, just like he had today.
Archie answered the door. “Hey, Ellie!”
Henry yelled “Ahhee!” which was the sound he seemed to use for all big boys. It either meant Tommy, who he got even more excited around, or Archie. Or it was just a sound.
Archie held his arms up to take Henry. They werebuddies. Archie had just turned thirteen, but hadn’t yet hit that too-cool phase Tommy had around then. I prayed Arch could hold onto his childhood as long as possible. He was such a sweet kid.
I handed Henry over. “I have to pick up Tommy in a sec, so we can’t stay. But your dad left this note about my stuff?”
“Hey Ellie,” Conrad said, coming around the corner with a dishrag over his shoulder. Conrad was a good-looking guy—tall, broad in the shoulders, thick auburn hair. He also bore an uncanny resemblance to my older brother, Anthony, save the hair. This was underscored by the fact that Anthony and Conrad both played college ball and shared that distinctive baseball-player stride. But Anthony had peaked in college. Conrad had moved on and had a full life beyond his small moment of fame. Also, Conrad wasn’t an asshole.
