Another beat passed where I swear I heard the air change. Like maybe she smiled, just the tiniest bit. “No.”
I smiled too, just for a second. “Um, so. How’s Henry?”
“He’s good. He’s asleep.” I heard her hesitation. Then she said, “Sam, I meant what I said. I’m so sorry for how I handled things the other day. I took a bit to reach out because… Well, frankly I’m embarrassed. So, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t accept.”
“You… are you serious? Okay, I guess?—”
“No,” I said. “I mean don’t apologize, please. Take it back.” I ran a hand over my head, looking out over the pink sky. At the leaves fluttering in the evening breeze. I could hear the happy shrieks of the neighbor’s kids down the street, the whine of trampoline springs. “You had a baby. On your own. You thought I abandoned you. I’m surprised you didn’t freak out more, honestly.”
Ellie said nothing for a moment, then she actually laughed. “I forgot.”
“Forgot what?”
“That I think you might be a good person.”
I didn’t know whether it was true. I didn’t feel like a good person. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the familiar object there. I ran my thumb over its curved edges, over the soft tuft of fluff at the top.
I couldn’t leave her hanging, not the mother of my child.
I squeezed the object tight. “Ellie… I didn’t know any of it. Iswear. I don’t have access to that email anymore. Or the phone number, obviously.” I swallowed. “I was… hurt.”
“Hurt?”
“Like, physically hurt. And… some other stuff happened. I was out of commission for a bit.” I stuffed the thing back in my pocket, then leaned back against the side of the house, rubbing my forehead with my fingers. “It wasn’t just you. Nobody knew where I was. Cora locked my email trying to hack into it. It was pretty bad. I can…” I swallowed, looking over my shoulder at the glow of lights through the transom window over the door. “I can tell you the whole story sometime.”
Ellie was quiet so long I thought maybe she’d hung up. I wouldn’t have blamed her if she had. It was a lot. It sounded like a big fat tall tale.
Finally, she said, “I’ll be at the farmer’s market on Saturday. Maybe you can meet us there?”
My heart lifted. Except… talking in the crowd down at the river park wasn’t exactly the best place to have this conversation.
She must have sensed my hesitation, because she said “Just if you want to say Hi to Henry. No pressure though.”
A deep sadness flooded through me that she felt she needed to say that. Anger, too. At myself, but also the asshole before me. Because Ellie had been here before. She’d told me the father of her older kid wasn’t in the picture. She’d said she thought having a father in his life might have made a difference with his behavior. He’d been getting into trouble. I didn’t get details, but I got the sense his dad had run for the fucking hills when he found out what he’d done.
Just like you.
But that was a hard no. I might not be prepared to be a dad, but that didn’t mean I was going to shirk my responsibilities. Not that I knew what those were.
“I’ll be there,” I said. “Thank you.”
We ironed out the details like we were making an appointment to get a car fixed. It felt weird. Surreal, really. But it was something.
Back at the table, Cora looked like she wanted to crawl through the screen to shake me by the collar. My phone buzzed. This time she wasn’t being subtle, I could see her typing on screen, her eyes boring into me.
I ate my cake, kissed my mom on the cheek, shook hands with my dad. Felt like shit for needing to get out of there, after all they’d done for me. Still wanting to go as quickly as possible. As soon as I got in my piece of shit truck, aiming my wheels back toward Greenville where my sad little studio condo was, I called Cora on speakerphone.
She answered on the first ring. “What thehell, Sam?”
“Remember that girl I told you about?” I asked, ignoring her temper.
A second passed, then Cora caught right up. “The single mom at the conference?”
We’d had an early Christmas at home that year before we both took off, and Cora had demanded to know why I looked even dopier than usual. I’d told my sister I met a woman way out of my league. One I knew I’d never see again since our lives were on wildly different paths, but who I know I’d always remember as someone who’d changed my life.
“Yeah,” I said now, gripping the steering wheel. “Her.”
