Sam looked from me to Tommy. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” It wasn’t. But I had to pick my battles.
When I looked back at Sam, I realized he was trying not to cry. I felt like I’d knocked into an old wound. A painful one I didn’t want pressed again.
“What are you doing for work right now, Sam?” I asked. I needed to get back into neutral territory. Plus, I was genuinely curious. He’d been at the conference to try to break into the homebuilding business. He’d idolized Jamie Reilly, Sarah’s fiancé and at the time, owner of Reilly Contracting, a well-respected contracting firm in town Jamie’s son now ran. “Are you with one of Jamie’s rival companies?”
Sam, gripping Henry’s back like he thought his son might make a run for it, didn’t meet my eye. “I’m kind of in a holding pattern.”
“Is that code for unemployed?”
He smiled briefly. “Sounds like it, I know. But no, I have a job. I’m just figuring things out. Still.”
He sounded a little frustrated, maybe with himself.
I had so many questions, but I didn’t really want to delve deep with him. I’d made the decision that we would simply figure out how to be cordial; how to involve Sam in Henry’s life with as little involvement in mine as possible.
“How about you? Are you teaching here?”
“I will be. Once Heartbreaker’s trade school launches this fall. I’m on the board, too.”
“That’s really cool, Ellie. You made it happen.” He gave me a smile which looked like he really thought it was.
I remember gushing to him about Sarah’s talk about theHeartbreaker Trades collective at the conference. How she’d invited me to join them as more than just a member. I couldn’t figure out how from California. What else did he remember?
“Winona made it happen,” I said, throwing a thumb back to my new friend, several paces behind us. Heartbreaker was Winona’s baby. She dreamed of a world where women could feel welcome and safe in the trades and had actually done something about it.
“I’m sure she wouldn’t have just anyone representing her.”
Heat prickled my cheeks. He wasn’t allowing me to be modest. “Anyway. Right now I’m still doing client work, so I won’t be living the dream for a bit yet.”
I don’t know why I said it like that. I loved my trade. Or, I used to.
Henry chose that moment to squawk, thankfully distracting me from that worrying line of thought. He seemed to have noticed I was next to him but deigned not to be holding him. He reached his chubby arms out, taking a dive in my direction.
“Whoa!” Sam looked panicked.
I pulled Henry into my arms. “Babies have little respect for gravity.”
I could see Sam’s pulse fluttering in his throat. “Guess I need more practice.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking at Henry like he’d let him down.
“It’s okay,” I said. “You’ll pick it up soon enough.”
I only realized the implication of the words after they were out there. I was offering him more time with Henry. Which meant more time with me. Sam seemed to too, his eyes meeting mine with a kind of hopefulness that squeezed my heart like a fist.
I don’t know what my hesitation was. It wasan inevitable next step. And it was simply about Sam getting to know his son. Not about any kind of future arrangement. Certainly not about anything between us, Henry’s parents. That was a one-time thing a long time ago, that the universe had made very clear was a big mistake.
But what a perfect, blue-eyed mistake he was.
I inhaled Henry’s scent. It must have intoxicated me; thrown me back into baby-brain. Because when I opened my mouth again, I found myself looking directly at Sam. “You can come over this week if you want. I could use some help with Henry while I try to get dinner on the table.”
That hopefulness in Sam’s eyes turned to something like disbelief. Then gratitude. Like a puppy being told it was walk time. Which made me feel like shit, because he should have access to his kid. Within reason.
“Are you sure?”
“Of course,” I said. “I mean, I don’t know what your schedule is like?—”
