I Used to be Charming
SAM
My palms were sweaty as I climbed the front steps to Ellie’s townhouse Monday afternoon. When I reached her stoop, I held my breath for a moment, puffing out my cheeks. Then I let it go. My heart was going like a jackhammer.
I was nervous as hell.
Okay. I could do this. I reached a hand up to the doorbell, then hesitated when I saw my reflection in the frosted glass of the front door. I’d had to go into the office today, and hadn’t wanted to show up here in the brandedAutoScorebutton-down they liked us to wear, whether we were client-facing or not. I’d had to run home and do a quick change with whatever I could find from the clean laundry basket. I’d picked jeans, a plain white t-shirt, and my lucky Chucks.
But maybe I should have worn something different. I didn’t look like a dad. Shit. Should I have worn a cardigan? Maybe some jorts? I didn’t own a single pair of New Balance running shoes.
This wasn’t helping. I gave my head a shake. Then I did afew flexes and deep breathing, curling my fists in front of me, down low.
“You got this, bro!” I whispered. Brett did sales at work, and whispered that to himself before every cold call. Stupid, but he said it so earnestly it somehow worked.
At the sound of footsteps on the sidewalk, I quickly backed up, leaning against the railing. I don’t know why—it was weird to be loitering on Ellie’s stoop.
It was Conrad and Archie. Shit.
“Hey,” I said casually, as they came up their steps.
I’d talked a bit with Conrad on Saturday about the Search and Rescue center and how I might be interested in helping in some way again. I didn’t think I could responsibly sign up to do what I used to, but maybe I could help with their website. It was a travesty out of the 1990s. He’d said he’d hook me up with the person running it now, who I didn’t know anymore. Then the three of us bonded over baseball.
I still didn’t know them well enough to not feel ridiculous right now, though.
“Hi, Sam!” said Archie, giving me a big grin.
That helped. I relaxed, at least a little. “Hey, man.”
“Whatcha doing?” Archie asked as Conrad set the grocery bags he’d been holding on the stoop to fish in his pocket, presumably for keys.
“Just dropping by for a visit with my… with Ellie. And Henry.” What did I call her? Also, was it weird to leave out Tommy? Not that Ellie’s older kid wanted much to do with me.
“Cool,” Archie said, hanging on his railing. “But why were you doing wrestling moves?”
Conrad let out a cough I could tell was hiding a laugh.
Shit. “You guys saw that, huh?”
“Not just us.” Conrad glanced up to the second floor of the townhouse in between his and Ellie’s. A womanwho looked to be my mom’s age, with short, mostly gray hair frowned down at me from the second floor balcony.
I startled. “Oh, uh… hi,” I said, holding up my hand.
“Hello,” she said cautiously, though she didn’t return my wave.
“Hi, Mrs. Oxford!” Archie called.
“Hello, dear. How was school?”
“Good! Dad got off early so he picked me up.” Then he pointed at me. “This is Sam, Henry’s dad!”
Shit. Did she know that?
“Arch,” Conrad admonished. “That’s Sam’s news to tell.”
“Oh,” Archie said. “Sorry, Sam.”
“No, that’s cool,” I said, not wanting Archie to feel bad. “I mean, it’s true, so…”
