“Should we go upstairs?” Ellie asked. “We have a little play area Henry likes. If you want to hang out in there with him I’ll be close by in the kitchen.”
“Okay,” I said. “Yeah. Sounds good.”
She turned and began climbing up the stairs.
I let out a breath. This was going okay, despite the way I kept fucking it up. Still, sweat beaded my forehead. What did I do once she left us? I didn’t know what to do with a baby. I’d done an internet search last night but got immediately overwhelmed. How would I know if he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to do? Like eating his fist? Even though apparently that was okay.
I wanted to keep him safe. I wanted Henry to like me.
I didn’t want Ellie to think having me here was a mistake.
I was doing it again.I ran my palm over my forehead as I followed her up the stairs, trying to calm my runaway brain.
I gripped the railing with my other hand. I didn’t need to anymore—my hip didn’t cause me extreme pain like it used to, and in fact stairs were good for me. But the way things weregoing I wouldn’t be surprised if today was the day it gave out on me.
But looking down had me noticing Ellie’s pretty bare feet; her pointed ankles under shapely calves, then the soft hollows behind her knees. My eyes drifted up to her gorgeous, thick thighs; thighs I distinctly remember wrapping my arms around, my hands kneading, as I buried my face between them, feeling like I’d ascended to heaven.
Henry babbled loudly, startling me. He was staring at me over his mom’s shoulder, his little brow furrowed. His fist was out of his mouth now, his fingers splayed, like he was going to point his fingers in a V from his eyes to mine.
Ellie turned, catching me staring. At least it was at Henry.
I smiled quickly. “Uh… how’s he doing today, by the way? Anything I should know?”
She looked down at the baby. “I’m not actually sure. Tommy and I just got home a few minutes ago. He pooped earlier, apparently.”
“That’s good.”
Talking about poop like the weather was bizarre to me. But the fact that he’d gone was good intel, because I had no idea what to do if he did, and it seemed like a shit thing to do—so to speak—to pass that over to her when I was supposed to be taking things off her hands. I made a mental note to look up ‘How to deal with baby poop’ and ‘Diapers 101’ before next time. If there was a next time. There had to be, right?
“He seems to be in a good mood, though,” Ellie continued. “He had a solid nap today.”
I nodded. “I love naps.”
At one time, I was considered a charming person. I was confident and could carry on a conversation with just about anyone. Oh how I wished even a fraction of that person was still firing around inside of me. Just a single cylinder would be nice.I love naps.Jesus.
Ellie was quiet a minute, then her eyes did that little dancing thing, her lips twisting slightly, like she was trying not to laugh again. Was I making her happy?
Finally, she said, “Yeah, actually. Naps are great.”
So maybe she didn’t think I was a complete idiot.
Except for that show downstairs.
“So, does your babysitter always hang out on the balcony like that?” I asked as I followed her down the hallway.
“Mrs. Oxford? She does. She likes to people-watch.” She paused, kissing Henry’s head. “Actually, I think Henry’s wearing her out. She used to run a home daycare when her husband was alive and they lived in a proper house. She’s retired now, but when she heard I was scrambling for childcare for the next few months, she volunteered.” Ellie frowned, pulling the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth.
I tried hard not to stare.
“I think she might have forgotten about how much work babies are,” she said. “I try not to use her full-time, but sometimes work gets busy.”
“What’s happening in a few months?” I asked.
Ellie’s expression cleared. “Heartbreaker’s going to be running a staff and faculty daycare out of the trade college when I start there. On my suggestion, actually.”
She blushed, like she was embarrassed she’d mentioned that part.
“That’s amazing.”
