I folded my arms in front of me. “What do you want, Sam?”
Sam stiffened. “What do you mean?”
I’d sounded bitter. Like I was being cruel. But I was exhausted. More than that, I was scared.
But I had to know. So I kept going, pushing at the worst part of the wound.
“Are you looking to split custody of Henry, Sam? Or anarrangement where you take Henry on the weekends or something?”
I’d tried to sound casual, like that would be fine. Maybe a little hard, like I’d challenge him on it. But my voice had cracked on the wordtake. I put a hand to my lips, closing my eyes briefly.
When I opened them, Sam had taken a step toward me, though he still held back. His expression was almost pained; his eyes intense.
“Ellie, I don’t want to take Henry away from you. I promise. I could never. I just want to get to know him. With you.”
Relief crashed over me like a river, choking me. I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear that until he said it.
I breathed, and nodded. “Okay. That’s good. Because he and Tommy… they’re my whole world.”
Sam swallowed. “I can see that.”
It was only when my breathing finally calmed that I realized what he’d said.With you.Did that mean anything? Or did he just mean he didn’t want to take Henry on his own?
Sam looked down, shoving his hands into his pockets again. One of them moved in there, like he was gathering change, working it around in his fist. There was something there. Something he was holding onto.
He was so tense.
“To answer your question, I don’t know what I want, Ellie. Before I ran into you the other day, I was pretty sure I was going to move to Singapore.”
“Singapore?” I couldn’t help gawking. What was with this guy? Why couldn’t he say still?
“That’s where Cora lives. Her husband Tristan had offered to—” He scrubbed a face over his hand. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not going now.”
But he’d wanted to.
“You don’t need to rearrange your life around for us, Sam.”
Sam looked affronted. “Yes, I do. I want to be a part of Henry’s life. And yours.”
My stomach flopped. There it was again.
Sam clamped his mouth shut, like he hadn’t meant to say that. “I just mean… I want to make your life easier. I want to help. But if me being here makes it harder…” He trailed off. But he looked almost distraught.
I considered, for a moment, that maybe running into each other wasn’t a threat to the fragile hold I had on this life, but something that might just help prop us up. Yes Sam had made a career out of not staying in one place or choosing a path. I got the sense, when we met, that he was trying to outrun something. Would having a baby change that? Or just be one more problem to avoid?
It didn’t matter, not really. Even if Sam didn’t stick around, he was here now. He cared enough to want to get to know Henry, at least a little. Henry wouldn’t remember him if he left, and so long as I didn’t get invested, we’d be fine.
Finally, my shoulders dropped. “No, it’s not harder having you here,” I said, meaning it. It was the truth, despite my mixed-up feelings. “Even just this past hour has been really helpful.”
At his visible relief, I felt the tension between us break, like I’d severed a dangerous live wire. There might be more hurdles ahead, but we’d crossed this major one at least. And it felt so much better on this side.
I met Sam’s eyes. “You could have been a lot of things, Sam but this is… Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me, Ellie. I’m kind of responsible for him being here.”
But I couldn’t let him take all the blame for what hadhappened. “We’re both responsible for making it happen. To be fair.”
“Yeah, but, arguably it was when I—” He cut himself off.
