“Ron?”
“Yeah.”
“No,” I said quietly. “He really isn’t. But?—”
“I saw that picture of my dad on your laptop,” he blurted out.
It took me a moment to figure out what he was talking about. How it was connected to what he’d just said.
Then it hit me. The laptop I kept upstairs in the kitchen—I used it to play music from and check email and social media.I let Tommy use it too, there was nothing private on it. Except that’s where I’d seen the photo of Tommy’s dad the other day. I must have closed the laptop without leaving the page it was on.
“I’m so sorry, Tommy.”
“I don’t care. I just… I drew a picture of it at school and someone saw it. They started laughing and shit. Passing it around.”
“What?”
“I—” he thudded his head against the wall. “Because I drew myself in it.”
Now my heart dropped like a boulder. I remembered now, the drawing I’d seen sticking out of his bag. “Oh Tommy. I’m so sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t know why I did it. I don’t want to be part of their family. I just wish… I just wish I had a dad who wanted me. Like Henry.”
My heart shattered into a thousand pieces. I must have lost my mind, because the thought that came up, that I wanted so desperately to share with him, wasmaybe Sam could be your dad too.
As much as the idea felt beautiful, it was like a shiny, too-good-to-be-true ideal. Which only underscored why the decision I’d made earlier about Sam mattered. It emphasized that whatever happened between Sam and I, if anything happened, we’d need to keep it only between us. Because I refused to set Tommy up for any more heartbreak. Not now. Not ever.
All I could do was wrap my arms around my giant little boy and hold him tight, reminding him he was so wanted. Over and over and over again as he tried and failed not to cry.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that. Long enough that I was in pain by the time I got up. But I didn’t care. I felt like we’d finally gotten somewhere.
Tommy promised he would apologize to Sam inthe morning; he said he wanted to think about how to do it. Then he said goodnight and we hugged one more time.
Half an hour later, when I went out to check on Henry, Tommy’s surprisingly robust snores were sounding through his door.
When I knew both my boys were safe and sleeping, finally, I slept.
CHAPTER 31
I’ll Show You
ELLIE
Iwas awoken sometime in the early hours by a loud thud. I jolted upright, panic twisting my gut. Flying out of bed, I checked Henry and Tommy’s rooms. They were both still fast asleep. That’s when I realized the sound had come from upstairs.
Only slightly less concerned now, I jogged up the steps and ran down the hall to the living room, flicking on the hallway light as I went.
Sam was thrashing around in his sleep. The glass of water I’d left for him was upended on the floor, water soaking the rug.
“Sam!” I dropped to my knees, gripping him by the shoulders. In the faint glow of the light, his eyes were clenched shut, brows slanted, jaw tight. He looked like he was in pain.
“Sam, I’m here!”
It took me shaking him for him to finally blink his eyes awake. He lifted his head up, eyes jerking around the room.
Finally they landed on me. “Ellie.” His voice cracked. Then he sat up, grabbing the monitor for the front door. “Tommy! Is he—did he?—”
“Tommy’s here. He’s asleep.”
