There’s a beat of stunned silence.
“Wait, you shut HIM down?” Elliot turns around so fast I’m surprised she doesn’t get whiplash. “Roman Varga. Six-six, has been staring at you like you invented sliced bread. That Roman?”
“It wasn’t—it’s more complicated than that?—”
“How is rejecting reciprocal sex complicated?” Goldie demands. “Either you wanted to or you didn’t.”
“I wanted to. We were making out, it was going great, and then—” I stop, my face burning. “And then he tried to reciprocate and I panicked.”
Goldie glances at me in the rearview mirror. “Because you forgot to shave? I do that ALL the time and Dex swears he doesn’t care.Says he likes it ‘au natural.’ I don’t know what his deal is but I’m not complaining.”
“It wasn’t—” I can’t help but laugh at her. “It wasn’t a shaving issue.”
“Then what?” Elliot asks.
“I just—I can’t. With partners. I’ve never been able to and I didn’t want to waste his time trying when I knew it wouldn’t work so I just shut it down.”
They’re both quiet for a moment.
“Okay,” Elliot says finally. “But did you explain that to him or did you just reject him without context?”
“I said I was good and he shouldn’t worry about it.”
“Oh honey,” Goldie says. “That’s not explaining, that’s deflecting.”
“I know. And now he’s confused and I’m mortified and I’ve been ignoring his texts.”
“Hockey players are so fucking weird about sex,” Elliot announces to no one in particular. “Like, can you even imagine what Luca’s into? He’s probably secretly a dom or something.”
“Luca?” I blink. “Goalie Luca?”
“The most intense, routine-obsessed, probably-has-a-color-coded-refrigerator Luca. Yeah.” Goldie grins. “I bet he’s the type who makes you call him sir.”
“That’s—really specific,” I say.
“Goalies are weird,” Elliot says with authority. “It’s a known fact. But captains are supposed to be straightforward. Which is why you shutting him down makes no sense unless there’s more to it.”
“There is more to it. I just don’t know how to explain it without sounding broken.”
“You’re not broken,” Goldie says firmly. “But you do need to actually talk to him instead of avoiding.”
“So what’s the actual problem?”Goldie asks once we’re settled at a trendy little brunch place with mimosas. “Like, mechanics-wise. Do you know what you like?”
“By myself? Yeah. With someone else watching and waiting for me to finish? My brain won’t shut up long enough to even get close.”
“That’s not uncommon,” Elliot says. “Happens to a lot of women.”
“Yeah, but most women figure it out eventually. I’ve tried with multiple guys and nothing works.” I take a long sip of my drink. “So I just accepted it. Solo is fine. With partners I just focus on them and call it a win.”
“That’s not a win, that’s you being scared,” Goldie says. “And I’m not judging, I’ve been there. But Marnie, if you’re with someone who actually gives a damn, they’re not going to be okay with only getting theirs.”
“Roman definitely seems like the type who’d be annoying about it,” Elliot agrees. “Like, obsessively focused on figuring it out.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. What if he tries and it doesn’t work and then it’s just awkward forever?”
“Then you figure something else out,” Goldie says. “But you won’t know until you actually talk to him instead of hiding.”
“I know. I know I need to talk to him. I just—” I gesture vaguely with my wine glass. “I don’t know what to say.”
