Calvin follows like a shadow just behind me, and I distantly hear him telling someone to buy up the store's stock of tampons until they find one I can use.
It would be amusing if I weren't so torn.
It's like I'm in the middle of a set of scales with my family on one side and Kon on the other, while Mathew tips them back and forth with his threats.
I shouldn't feel guilty about Kon.
I shouldn't even feel any responsibility for him because I've only known him for two or so months, and who marries a woman they've never met?
I shouldn't feel the way I do.
But I do. Care for Kon has bloomed and woven through my chest with every possessive, hungry, demanding touch.
How can a man so cold and dangerous to everyone else be so kind to me?
I walk to the end of the street and take a small footpath down to walk alongside the river.
Heat bakes down from above and sweat prickles at my hairline under my ponytail.
Maybe his kindness shouldn't be a surprise. Calvin is the perfect example of how Kon treats people who do right by him.
What would he do to me if he knew the truth?
Would he help me get my family back or would he kill me where I stood for trying to betray him?
I can't imagine a man like Kon would be forgiving if he knew I was trying to have his baby and hand it over to monsters to save my own skin.
Then again… maybe he would pity me and he would understand.
My thoughts weave back and forth but ultimately, I can't decide.
His reaction to this entire hellscape isn't something I can guess because I can barely keep my own feelings on the matter in one place.
"Rose?" Calvin's voice cuts through my thoughts as he matches pace with me.
"Leave me alone."
"No."
"What?" I glance across at him and am forced to squint as the sun drifts above his head.
"Kon tasked me with taking care of you and I know something is wrong. You hide it well, but the more I've come to know you, the more I can see the cracks in you. Something is bothering you and it's my job to fix it."
Is it becoming that obvious?
Gravel crunches underfoot as we walk and I turn my attention back to the river while trying to focus on the sound of the water and the distant chirp of birds in the air.
None of it really calms me.
"Rose." Calvin tries again. "You're in pain. Is it your family? Do you miss them? I'm sure we can work out a way for you to see them more often. Is it how you spend your time? If you are boredand want to expand your horizons, we can do that too. If it's something else?"
He just doesn't give up, does he? Question after question as if the solution is his to give.
Wait… maybe he is the solution?
I stop dead in my tracks and face him. Calvin stops alongside me and his lips pull into a soft smile, likely thinking he's said something that's getting through to me.
In a way, he has.
