Anger doesn't come. Neither does disgust at my desperation.
Kon's voice remains calm and quiet as he speaks slowly. "I would love kids. A kid. Any kid. It is a desire I have carried for a long time but I understand my limitations and I am at peace with it." He slowly lifts his head and meets my eyes. "It is not something I think about anymore. It is not something I plan for, or work into my schemes and routine. I do not and have never expected you to churn out babies for me like some kind of machine. If we never have kids, I am okay with that."
Okay, maybe I wasn't prepared for all of his possible reactions.
"But…" My brow tightens. "Everyone talks."
"I do not care, Rose. And it pains me that I did not see that this would affect you. You are so young, I also did not expect you to be so determined to have a baby at your age when we have our lives ahead of us." He straightens up and holds out a hand to me.
After a moment of hesitation, I take it.
He slowly draws me closer until I'm standing between his spread legs, and my heart pounds so wildly, I'm certain he must be able to hear it.
"Let them talk," Kon says. "You place this expectation on yourself, and for that, I am sorry. Your worth to me is not linked to your ability to carry my child and if it happens, I want it to be my child. Not someone else's. These people who talk, I am aware of what they say and I have plans in place for many situations that may arise from people thinking I am unfit to lead due to a lack of an heir. Those people will think out loud and I will continue to prove them wrong. And you, my dear…"
Kon slowly lifts his other hand and places it against my cheek. His touch is warm but it's difficult not to flinch as the memory of him beating Calvin is still so fresh in my mind.
"It is not your responsibility. Such a thing would be a gift. I am… sorry, Rose. I am sorry I did not see this. I am sorry I did not anticipate this and I am sorry if you feel I misled you about my fertility. If your family has their own expectations, then I will talk to them. If anyone has said anything to you directly, then I will deal with them. It…" He stops and briefly closes his eyes. "It pains me that you could not come and talk to me about this."
The guilt is overwhelming. Somehow, Kon managed to give me the sweetest, most understanding response I could have ever imagined, and the whole thing is tainted by my lies. My desperation for a child can't be soothed because Mathew will never stop. He will never let up and until my family is safe, I have to obey.
But Kon talks with such comfort and trust that I just know, deep down, if I tell him the truth then I will break his heart.
And I can't do that. I don't want to do that.
How do I choose?
"I am sorry," Rose," Kon says quietly. "Ethan was right. I… saw red and I let my anger get the better of me when I should have come to speak to you."
"Ethan?" My brow lifts. "I thought he was in the hospital?"
"Someone informed him of what happened and he checked himself out."
"Oh my god, is he alright?"
"He is stable. He is fine. He… gave me a stern talking-to and helped me realize I overreacted. I am so sorry, Rose. I hope you can forgive me."
Staring down into his eyes, my heart skips a beat with the comforting, yet painful realization that I've fallen for him. The hours I spent up here crying about what happened in the garden wasn't just because I was worried for Calvin and my family, but also because I feared Kon would never look at me again the way he's looking at me now.
I very slowly lift my hands to the sides of his neck. "Will Calvin be alright?"
Kon nods. "I will let him go. And I will apologize to him. Whether he forgives me is up to him. And…" Kon draws in a steadying breath. "I hope you will forgive me. Tell me what I can do to ease your worries about a baby. If it is in my power, I will do it. I will tell you every day that it is not important to me, I will tell you every day that your value to me has nothing to do with our ability to have children. I will show you the work I do, I will integrate you into my empire, and you will see that we are strong, not to beshaken by rumors or men stuck in the past who believe an heir is the only pillar of success."
I don’t deserve Kon.
He sits before me, begging for my forgiveness when it should be the other way around.
My heart breaks as I lean down and press a gentle kiss to his lips, and as he kisses me back, an idea suddenly forms in the back of my mind.
Maybe there is something I can do. Something that will protect my familyandKon.
All this time, Mathew has held the threat to my family over me, and I have bent and obeyed because I have no choice.
But in the same thread, I am important to him.
Without me, he has nothing.
Of course, nothing will matter at all if Calvin tells Kon what I told him.
