Fiona doesn’t back away, but I can see her shoulders tense, as if she’s bracing herself for me to pull the rug out from underneath her.
I reach out to gently stroke my hands down her arms. “Relax. I’m not mad.”
“I know,” she says quietly, keeping her gaze on the floor.
“I love that Scout loves you. You’re good with him. You’re patient. You…treat him like he was your own. And that means more than I can put into words.”
Fiona bites her lip as she looks away, but I reach out to grip her chin and force her to look at me because I need her to see how sincere I’m being.
Her blue eyes shine, and I gently wipe away a stray tear that falls down her cheek with my thumb.
“But it also means that if this goes wrong, it doesn’t just wreck me. It wrecks him too.”
“I would never hurt him,” she whispers, her voice trembling as more tears start to fall.
“I know. But you didn’t want to hurt me either, and look how that turned out.”
I knew it was the wrong thing to say before I even finished saying the words.
Fiona flinches like I slapped her, and I silently curse myself as the guilt claws at my insides, but I don’t take it back. She needs to understand the stakes.
“I’ve been here before,” I say quietly, letting go of her chin and walking over to the bed. “Not exactly like this, but close enough to make me always think twice.”
I take a seat on the edge of the bed and brace my hands on my thighs.
“With Scout’s mother?” Fiona asks.
I nod, trying to ignore the memories that I try so hard to keep buried.
“What happened?”
“I fell in love.” I run my hands up and down my thighs, trying to expel the nervous energy I feel as I think of Nadia and everything that happened following her death. “A lot of things went wrong, and then she died, and it felt like I did too. So, I don’t trust easily, and I don’t forgive easily, and I sure as hell don’t hand someone the power to destroy my son. It’s why I kept him a secret from my family for so long. Only Ronan knew he existed, and even that felt like I was shining a fucking great light on him. So, as much as I love how much Scout is enjoying being part of a big family, it’s hard for me to fully let go and relax. We’ve been burned by our family too many times. I mean, his fucking grandfather kidnapped him, and now everything with Lorcan…”
“I understand.” Fiona steps closer, and I automatically part my thighs so that she can stand between them.
I let her take my face in her hands and close my eyes as she gently strokes her fingers over my jaw.
Her skin is so warm, and her touch instantly soothes the tension in my body.
“I made the wrong choice,” she whispers. “But it wasn’t because I didn’t love you and Scout. It was because I love you both so much that I panicked.”
That is what makes this so damn complicated.
Her worst mistake came from the same place as her best qualities. She is willing to do whatever it takes to protect the ones she loves. But there is always a price. I just don’t want my son to be the one to pay it.
I open my eyes and let myself take in every little detail of her face, the one I can see myself waking up to every day for the rest of my life.
“If I do this… If I let us move forward, there can’t be any more lies or half-truths. You don’t get to decide what I can handle,” I say firmly.
“I won’t,” she says without missing a beat. “I swear I will never keep anything from you again. Ever.”
“Promises are easy,” I murmur.
She steps even closer. “Then test me. Hold me to it. But don’t shut me out before I get the chance to prove it.”
I stare into her eyes for a moment and let myself fully imagine it, a life with her and Scout. I see the house and the walls covered in countless photos from across the years. I see a white dress and a blonde-haired child that has Scout’s mouth, but Fiona’s eyes. I see it all, and for once, I don’t let myself fight the future I could have.
“Okay,” I whisper.
