Page 106 of Cruel Lies

"There," I say. "Doctor Fuzz is standing guard. Nothing's getting past him."

She yawns. Then she looks up at me, and her eyes are so pure. Trusting. Open. She doesn't know who I am or what I've done, only that I'mtherefor her when it matters.

"Mr. Ronan… Will you be here for pancakes in the morning?" she asks.

I've been shot before. I've been stabbed. I've had men swing lead pipes at my head and I didn't flinch.

But this little girl asking me about pancakes in the morning takes the air out of me clean.

Because the only acceptable answer isno.I need to be gone before the sun comes up, before I get too woven into the fabric ofthis house, this family, this thing that has no room for me. Men like me don't get pancakes.

And yet…

"Yes," I hear myself say. "I'll be here for pancakes."

There it is then. I'm a liar in all the ways that matter and a fool in all the ways that don't.

But that's not the worst of it. Just as the word leaves my mouth, I realize I actually mean it. Iwantto be here for pancakes. I want to sit at this small kitchen table and watch Hayden read me facts off the back of a cereal box and watch Isabella feed her caterpillar and watch Cali drift around in her socks with her hair a mess, and I want it so badly it scares me more than any man wielding a pipe ever could.

"Promise?"

"I promise."

She's asleep before I finish the word. Just like that. One breath, she's awake, and the next, she's gone, the way only children can do it.

I stay crouched by her bed for a few moments longer, just to be sure.

When I stand and turn, Cali is in the doorway. She's back in the red dress, though the zipper's still open in the back, and she's watching me with an expression I can't read. She heard the whole thing. The pancakes. The promise.

She doesn't say anything. She just reaches out and takes my hand and squeezes it, once, and leads me back into the hall.

"Thank you," she whispers.

"You don't have to thank me for that."

"I do, though." She looks up at me.

I can still feel the fire for her burning in me, but it's no longer quite so urgent. Strangely, I don't feel the frustration I normally would, even with Cali's sweetness still simmering on my lips and the sight of her making me harden and twitch.

She looks up at me, mouth open as if to say something. Then she changes her mind and sighs.

"Bathroom's down the hall if you need it," she says instead. "I should check on Hayden."

"Go. I'll wait."

She slips off, leaving me in the hallway darkness alone. Not long afterward, I feel a vibration in my pocket.

I only brought one phone with me: the third phone, the one that shouldn't exist. So I know without looking who's calling me.

I turn and trot down the stairs, then let myself out the front door onto the stoop before I answer. The night air is cool for June.

"What is it, Navi?"

"Sorry to interrupt your romantic evening," he begins.

"Don't apologize, just tell me why you're calling."

"Two things." I can hear him settle in, hear the click of a lighter, the drag of a cigarette. "First one's good news, depending how you look at it. The paperwork's done. Ready to file. I had our guy triple-check the shell so there's no fingerprints on it, nothing that comes back to the firm. It's clean. You give me the word, I push it through Monday morning and the whole thing's doneinside a week. Bradshaw Holdings dissolves, we insert, and the company changes hands so quiet nobody notices a thing.”