Page 121 of Cruel Lies

She sets the cup down and comes over and stands in front of me. She's so small and pretty in my shirt, I'm considering never letting her wear any other clothes ever again. It's either this or naked, nothing else.

"Keep looking at me like that and you're going to make me late," she laughs, but she doesn't step back.

"That's the plan."

She swats my chest, then flattens her palm over the spot she hit like she's apologizing to it. Her fingers find the ridge of an old scar and run along it, though she doesn't ask. It's one of a hundred small mercies she hands me without knowing she's doing it, and every one of them is a stone in my shoe.

Tell her, you bastard.

"Cali…" I start.

"Mm?" She's ducking back into the bedroom now to change into her clothes. She reemerges a moment later with her shoes in one hand.

Tell her. Say it. Just fucking spit it out.

But the words won't come.

"Nothing," I say instead. "Go get your gremlins."

She kisses me once, quick, tasting of coffee, and heads for the door. I watch her go and despise the coward in my chest who let her.

Next weekend at the lake. I'll tell her then.

When she's gone, I sit and stew in the quiet of the apartment. It's always quiet, but now, it's worse, because she was just in it, and now, she's not. I stand at the glass and look out at the park.

Then I make a decision.

Navi picks up almost right away. "You're up early for a man who was busy last night."

"How do you know I was busy?"

"I didn't, I was just fishing. Thanks for confirming."

I roll my eyes in irritation. But I didn't call to shoot the shit. "Navi," I say, "I need you to kill it."

There's a pause on the other end. "Kill what?"

"The Meadows deal. The Bradshaw Holdings paperwork. All of it. Kill it."

Another pause. Longer this time.

"You want to walk me through what you mean by 'kill it'?"

"I mean I don't want it anymore. The company.Hercompany. I don't want to take it."

"Ronan…"

"I'll find another way. I'll bring in someone new to do what Pyotr did, train them properly this time. I'll buy a legitimatebusiness from someone who wants to sell one. I'll do it slower and cleaner. But I'm not taking hers."

"Do you understand what you're saying, man?" he asks in slow-dawning horror.

"As a matter of fact," I spit, "I understandexactlywhat I'm saying."

"You've spent months on this!" he protests. "It's practically at the finish line. What happened to 'this is the answer to everything'?"

"Itwasthe answer. It's not anymore. I found a better one.”

"Which is what?"