Page 74 of Cruel Lies

RONAN:Cameras aren'talwaysunreliable. For instance, I know you burned one.

CALI:TWO, actually, and both of those pancakes are on your conscience, because I was distracted rereading a certain note like a lunatic.

RONAN:Good.

CALI:GOOD?

RONAN:I wanted it read more than once.

CALI:You know what else is on your conscience? I had to do my entire face in the front camera of my phone this morning. Propped against the toothbrush holder. I look like I lost a fight with a raccoon.

RONAN:Send me a photo.

CALI:Absolutely not.

RONAN:Then I'll assume you look beautiful, which is what I would have concluded from the photo anyway, so we've saved time.

CALI: …

CALI:That's very efficient flirting.

RONAN:I'm a serious man.

CALI:Fine. Counteroffer. I want to negotiate terms for the mirrors' release.

RONAN:Now you're speaking my language.

CALI:One mirror returned per date. You have five dates left in the trial period. Five mirrors.

RONAN:Rejected.

CALI:You can't just say rejected!

RONAN:I just did. Counteroffer: you text me every morning. I tell you what I see. When you believe me—actually believe me,not politely tolerate me—the mirrors come home. All of them. Same night.

CALI:I don't negotiate with terrorists.

RONAN:Then you'll never get far in this life.

CALI:Ugh. Who decides when I "actually believe" you? You? The man holding the mirrors?

RONAN:No. You do. You're the only honest party in this entire arrangement. I trust your data.

CALI:…You can't keep doing that.

RONAN:Doing what?

CALI:Saying something outrageous and then following it with something that makes me me swoon. It's whiplash. I'm going to need a neck brace.

RONAN:I'll buy you a beautiful one.

CALI:DO NOT buy me anything. I'm still processing the forty-one thousand dollars.

CALI:Speaking of things I'm still processing. You called me kotyonok in the pool. Direct violation of the Front Stoop Accords.

RONAN:You were distracted. I took my chance.

CALI:I googled it, you know.