He cradles my face again. “Shh. Don’t cry. A kiss doesn’t mean anything. Stop crying.”
I shake my head. “You should hate me. I’m disgusting, Salvario.” My words are slurred. He moves to the couch, pulling me into his lap, pressing me to his chest.
“Do you love him?”
I shake my head, unable to find my voice.
“Then trust me, I can forget it. One kiss means nothing. And don’t call yourself disgusting. It was a mistake. Be kind to yourself and let it go.”
How easy it would be if it were just a mistake. But I know, in the deepest part of my rotting heart, it was far from a mistake. A mistake would have made my body stiff and hesitant to lean into his touch, just the way it feels now.
I slide off his lap and sit before him, wiping my tears.
“He’s fucked with my head. He’s ruined me for you,” I whisper.
He frowns, catching my chin and forcing my gaze to his. I don’t want to look into his eyes, they’ll remind me of the eyes that have infected my soul.
“Please don’t say that.” The plea in his voice is a knife to my chest. More contempt for myself pours into the wound, making it burn. But it’s not enough. Nothing could be enough for what I did to him.
“Every time you come close to me, my body remembers him.” My chin trembles against his fingers. Today I’ll tell him everything, and if he decides to hate me after that, it’ll be for the best. He should hate me anyway.
He nods, his brows drawing together.
“I hate it, Salvario. I hate the memories of him, but I can’t get rid of them.” My voice fractures into a sob.
He releases my chin and pulls me into a tight embrace. My body trembles with sobs. He strokes my hair.
He pats my head. “You could have told me this sooner. We’ll find a solution.” He pulls back and cups my face in his hands. “Do you want to find a solution?” His voice drops. Uncertainty fills his eyes. “Or do you want to go to him?”
I shake my head. “I love you. I’ve only ever loved you. He only got this deep under my skin because he was pretending to be you.”
He wipes my tears with his thumbs. “Then we’ll find a way to get him out of your head.”
“What solution could there be? I’ve tried everything.”
After a moment of thought, he speaks. “We can start from the beginning. I’ll only get as close as you’re comfortable with. Tell me, what feels okay right now?”
“Just hugging, maybe, and not for long.”
He chuckles, though the sound is devoid of humor. “So you’re asking me to be your friend, Princess. Fine. Last time, we went from enemies to lovers. This time, we’ll go from friends to lovers.”
A smile touches my lips. After a very long time, I see a faint light of hope, that maybe I’ll find my way out of this.
“Just do me one favor, never call yourself disgusting again. That bastard manipulated you into all of this. But don’t worry, I’ll make him pay for everything he did to you.”
A tremor awakens deep in my core. I smother it before it reaches the surface.
He’s right. Hunter manipulated me into all of this. If I say it enough times, I’ll get rid of this self-loathing.I’ll hate him for both of us.
The numbness begins its slow crawl back toward my heart. I want to run from it as much as I want it to swallow me whole.
I rise from the couch and step out onto the balcony. The ocean is calm from here, God knows how many storms churn beneath that placid surface. The setting sun paints the water in layers of amber, rose, and deep violet, as if the sky is bleeding color into the sea.
Salvario follows me out and stands behind me, gripping the railing on either side. He isn’t touching me, but I can feel the bulk of him, the heat radiating from his body against my back. But instead of warming the cold settling inside me, his heat only deepens it.
I take in a long drag of breath. The scent of his vetiver fills me. It’s not spicy citrus, nor is it cedarwood, the only two scents my soul recognizes as home.
Salvario shifts closer. I tilt my head back and look up at him. He smiles down at me. “Is this close okay?”
