Flinching, the king insisted, ‘Neither. Please, Ava, can we just speak privately?’
Part of me wanted to hear him. The smarter part didn’t. ‘No, River. We need to use your portal. Please let us.’
‘I’ll let you do anything you want if you just let me explain.’ He sighed heavily, hope shimmering deep in his darkened eyes.
There was no point. ‘We don’t have to do this. I know why you did it. There’s nothing to explain.’
‘There’s so much to explain I don’t even know whether I can put it all into words, Ava. You felt it too,’ he protested, leaning closer. His energy hovered between us, ready but sensing my withdrawal.
I wouldn’t let him have it, not after what he had done. ‘What I felt strongest was the realisation that you had been lying to me the whole time.’
‘No, that’s not true. I hid the fact that I made a deal with Alexander, but our bond is real. I never pretended or lied about that.' His voice cracked, and he looked disturbingly hollow.
‘There’s nothing between us, River. It vanished the second his shadows whisked me away into their court. You didn’t even have the decency to ask why they wanted me.’
‘It’s not fair, Ava. You were just a witch to me then.’
‘And what am I now, your mate?’ I rasped, my tone ruthless enough to make him recoil. ‘That’s what your mum thinks anyway.’
River looked back at the woman, still in his father’s embrace, and she looked deeply apologetic.
‘It wasn’t hers to share,’ he whispered, his posture slumped under the assault of emotions.
Grimacing, I pointed out, ‘So you do think that. I’m a halfling. I don’t have a mate.’
‘It’s not like that, Ava. Please, just… it’s not how I wanted you to find out. I tried to put a stop to this deal; I really did. Ever since the curse almost killed you, I did everything I could.’
Was that when it started? ‘Is that how long you’ve been assuming that I’m yours?’
‘It’s not an assumption. I know.’ Tears welled in his eyes as he released his flames and outstretched his hand. It was what I had once dreamed of—the warm connection of our essences to soothe the nerves and problems of the world. But it was a bittersweet memory, and I would not allow myself such vulnerability anymore.
River’s jaw clenched as I turned to glance through the window instead, thinking about my dragon to calm my raging heart and the thrashing fire that didn’t comprehend my apprehension.
A stray tear slipped down his cheek as he lowered his hand.
‘It's okay if you hate me. I hate myself too.’ His voice broke. ‘There are so many things I regret, but this... this was the worst of them. You have to know I'll never forgive myself. These past weeks, every time I wondered whether you were safe, death would've been a mercy compared to not knowing.’
He drew an unsteady breath, his hands wringing together as though he couldn't stop them from trembling. ‘You are likethe sun to me. Even though I've only known you for weeks, without you, I'm blinded by darkness.’
His gaze searched mine, raw and pleading. ‘I told you mates were the other half of our souls. For decades, mine felt like it had withered away. Then you came along, and every smile you gave tugged at what was left of it, urging it to grow... to heal. I didn't know that was possible.’
His fingers clenched together. ‘I know you have feelings for me too. All I'm asking... is that you let me earn my way back into your life.’
Words deserted me. Even breathing felt like betrayal. ‘I don’t know what to say to you, River.’
He choked. ‘You don’t have to say anything; just let me prove to you that I’m not a monster.’
The emotional turmoil, not to mention the gasping audience, felt like too much. I didn’t want to continue our intimate dialogue any longer, regretting my decision to stay instead of demanding privacy. ‘River, we need to get to Ortensia. My mother stole a dangerous grimoire from my father; we need to get it back.’
A question flashed in his eyes. ‘Your father?’
It reminded me that he really didn’t know much about them or the Isles. ‘Yes, the Lord of the Shadow Isles is my father. Alec is my brother, and the grey-haired one is my sister.’
River's and his family’s assessing glances turned to my family members. Miriam, obviously as uncomfortable as I was in social situations, sent an awkward wave.
Composing himself, River declared, ‘Your mother has been becoming more unhinged lately. I’ll come with you, we can take my battalion with us.’
‘That would serve as a formal declaration of war. We’re not doing that,’ I refused, unwilling to create even more political problems.
