I allowed my hand to slip into my panties, quickly finding my clit. I moaned into the darkness, imagining Conrad’s mouth on mine. Imagining his hand moving up my thigh and slipping between us. God, he’d felt so good before, his warmth against my cold skin.
I imagined him whispering, “Whatever you need, Winnie. I’ll give it to you.”
I slipped a finger inside myself, imagining Conrad’s large finger pumping, curling to rub my G-spot. My hips bucked upward, wanting more, wishing Conrad was on top of me. I imagined him licking the tip of my nipples as I ran a finger over my breast. How fucking good would it feel for him to part my legs, to press his cock into me? I moaned again, biting my lip to hold back a whimper. I slipped another finger inside while my left hand found my clit. My hips surged forward rhythmically.
“Conrad,” I whispered into the dark casket. “Fuck yes.”
I imagined him grabbing my ass, lifting me into the air as he fucked me, thrusting harder and deeper. My fingers worked their magic until I came hard, feeling my internal walls squeeze my fingers, wetness flowing down my hand. My fingers still moved, more lazily now. The orgasm seeped into every part of my body, like a plant soaking up water after days without rain. The sensation was both familiar and foreign at once, comforting yet oddly emotional as I came to terms with the truth. Conrad Lawrence would never want a vampire. Literally only in my dreams.
After another twenty minutes of failed sleep, I gave up and got out of my casket with all the grace of a crypt creature experiencing post-masturbation insomnia.
The cottage creaked around me as I moved barefoot through it. My attention drifted toward a new photograph resting on my kitchen table. It was freshly printed and not framed yet. Billie grinning wildly with mud on her face. CJ holding up his notebook. Bianca pretending not to smile while standing beside the garden pavilion. A blurry Conrad in the background, looking at all of them as though they’d hung the moon.
This was exactly why I kept my distance. Exactly why. Immortality demanded eventual loneliness. Humans aged. Humans changed. Humans died. Even the magical ones perished eventually if one waited long enough.
And me? I remained—watching, remembering, and leaving before theleavingcould happen to me first. It was safer that way. Except lately safety felt suspiciously similar to misery.
I busied myself making tea to avoid thinking. Chamomile, honey, and a touch of valerian root normally helped with sleeplessness, but my brain remained determined to torture me.
I had almost told Conrad the truth. There had been a moment after the kiss where I genuinely intended to do it. Tell him everything.
Conrad, thank you for the emotional intimacy and inappropriate kitchen activities. By the way, I was born before indoor plumbing was a mainstream thing and occasionally drink blood.
Very normal conversation starter.
I pressed both hands against my face. “Oh God.”
The worst part was that a little piece of me thought he might have stayed. Hope had ruined better women than me.
By the time Saturday evening arrived, I still had not slept properly, which meant I was emotionally fragile and would therefore be absolutely doomed once I returned to the children Monday morning.
They had taken this entire vampire revelation far too well.Fartoo well. The first day after the break-in, I’d expected panic, terror, and immense amounts of crying. Instead, Billie hadasked if I could turn into a bat. CJ wanted to know whether vampires had to pay taxes. Bianca requested a reading list to delve into the subject more deeply.
The children had adapted to the knowledge that their nanny was undead with alarming speed. Apparently, I’d underestimated both their intelligence and their complete lack of self-preservation.
I smiled, remembering Wednesday afternoon.
“Can you hypnotize people?” CJ had asked while eating apple slices.
“Technically.”
“Cool.”
“You are not hypnotizing your teachers,” Bianca had said immediately without looking up from her book.
“I wasn’t going to,” CJ pouted.
Billie had gasped dramatically from the floor. “Can vampires explode?”
I had blinked. “Not usually.”
She accepted this solemnly before returning to drawing fanged dinosaurs.
Somehow through the excitement of it all, they had kept my secret. Not even accidental slips. Though Billie had come dangerously close Thursday night by loudly announcing, “Nanny Winnie eats weird.”
Conrad had barely looked up from his laptop. “How weird?”
“She drinks blood.”
