Industrial steel teacup.
Extra pair of glasses.
Extra, extra pair of glasses.
Extra, extra, extra pair of glasses.
At that point, I began to suspect she’d been preparing for optical emergencies since the Reagan administration.
“Mrs. Cornell,” I said, setting the cheesecake on the hood of my car before one of us destroyed it, “I’m sure we can work through whatever happened.”
She let out a laugh that contained no joy whatsoever.
Behind us, the front door creaked open.
I turned.
CJ—short for Conrad Jr., also known as the “Conman” for being a certified fibber—stood there with perfect posture, concern written all over his face. Behind him, Bianca sat halfway up the main staircase with a book open in her lap, pretending she’d never met any of us before in her life. Billie hung upside down through the stair railing, grinning at me with flour all over her cheeks.
She waved enthusiastically, and a puff of white powder floated off her sleeve.
Jesus Christ.
“Daddy,” Billie called happily. “Mrs. Cornstarchsnell is leaving!”
Mrs. Cornell closed her eyes briefly and pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Billie,” I said tiredly, “that’s not her name.”
Billie grinned from ear to ear. “She knows.”
Mrs. Cornell pointed at my children without looking at them. “The little one is feral.”
I sighed. “That’s a fair assessment.”
“The older girl is frighteningly intelligent. Dangerously so.”
Bianca lifted one shoulder modestly without glancing up from her book.
“And the boy,” she continued, staring directly at me now, “could manipulate international governments if given enough time and resources.”
CJ smiled pleasantly. “Thank you, ma’am.”
“You see?” Mrs. Cornell hissed.
I rubbed a hand over my face. She’d only lasted two weeks, which, unfortunately, made her our second most successful nanny.
Miss Kearney still held the record at one month before leaving in tears after what CJ later referred to as “The Incident.” I still didn’t fully know what that was, and no one would tell me.
“Please reconsider,” I said. “I can increase your pay.”
“No.”
“More vacation time?”
“No.”
“Benefits?”
