He looks up at me with his sad eyes and I almost fold. “What are you doing?” I sigh, the muscles in my face flirting with a smile at how he looks right now.
“Obviously trying to get your attention.” Damn his pretty brown eyes.
I grab the wash cloth and start dabbing away at the blood crusted on his skin. Resting one hand under his chin and moving it so I can see better, “I’m not mad at you.”
“Liar.” He whispers, still staring up at me. I wipe away the last bit of blood from his lip before tossing the rag into the sink. I twist to get the alcohol wipes and I feel his hand steady me at my thigh. “Nice shirt.” He’s clearly trying to lighten the heaviness in the room and it’s working despite my efforts to maintain my frustration with him.
“Yeah, well someone ruined my favorite one. This one will have to do.” I hate that my voice sounds so small and quiet. I hate the quiet with every beat of my heart. That’s where every ounce of fear and uncertainty resides.
“I’m sorry.” He winces as I pat the open cuts with alcohol.
“No, you’re not.” I smile softly as I remember him intentionally pouring his perfectly good cereal over my shit.
His hand circles around my wrist and gently pulls my hand away as he says, “Not for the shirt, Mia.” I watch his chest rise and fall as he keeps rubbing small circles on the inside of my wrist. I pull away to grab a few butterfly bandaids and ointment before lowering myself down to the ground with him. He stretches out his legs and pulls me in closer to him. I take my time spreading the ointment over the cuts. Only one needs to be pulled closed by the bandaid. I press the edges down securely.
Our faces are so close that I can feel his breath on the base of my neck as I lean up to double check his face making sure I didn’t miss anything. When I feel satisfied with my work, I sit back down cross-legged between his legs.
“I’m not sorry for bringing AJ tonight.” I look him in the eyes so he knows my confidence in the decision. I wasn’t sure before but after watching how she challenged him and controlled the entire situation, I knew calling her was the right thing to do. AJ is the glue to everything.
“I didn’t ask you to apologize for that. I don’t think you should ever apologize for being who you are. She’s your person.” He smiles grimly but still doesn’t look up at me. He just pulls my hand into his and starts massaging my palm. “I’m sorry I’ve been so far hidden in my own head lately.”
I duck my head to try and catch his eyes because this is the conversation that we’ve been needing to have and I prefer to see his face when he talks to me. “That’s not good enough, Ol. Talk to me.” I urge him as I take his hand in mine.
“Watching you with Cheryl at the gala was like seeing you through a snowglobe.” He swallows hard before wetting his bottom lip and wincing when he hits the cut there. “You belong to this whole other world of people. Not because you have money.” He is quick to stop my argument before it leaves my lips. “I get it.” He cups my cheek. “Money makes the world move. Even if it doesn’t define who you are. And it doesn’t.” He runs his thumb softly across my cheek bone, “You’re so muchmore than anything I’ve ever seen.” He moves in even closer and rests his forehead against mine, keeping his hand on the side of my face. “It all makes so much more sense now. How smart you always are. How resourceful. You have a problem fixed before we even know it exists. You’re intentional with every conversation. And you never stop moving. Like you’re afraid that if you stop for even a day, you’re not doing enough.” My whole body is shivering from his words.
From the way they fill my bloodstream and keep me paralyzed. “You’re so good. Everything about you bleeds love. And I know you want to make a difference for those that need it. And with your family connections you can.” I feel him take a deep breath before continuing, “I can’t offer anything to make your world better, pretty girl.” His next words are spoken so softly that they almost get lost in the limited space between us. I pull back in shock and narrow my eyes at him.
“What are you talking about?” I’m more confused than before we started this conversation.
He finally looks up at me, “I want you in my life, Mia. In every single way. This place is too quiet without you. But you are designed for so much more than hanging out at a gym and watching some guy fight on the weekends. You need someone that will provide more than that.”
I can’t help the laughter that escapes. And once it leaves my lips I don’t even try to tame it. Oliver looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, which is fair. I tuck my hair behind my ear, “I don’t need you, Oliver. I want you. There is a difference. I’ve trained myself to not depend on anyone in this world ever again. I choose the people I want in my life now simply because it makes my soul more free by having them in it. Not because of what they can do for me.” I realize that this is probably the harshest I have ever sounded to him. But I’m not holding back. I’ve done that my whole life.
“But I want to be the one you depend on.” He sounds hurt but I don’t think he’s hearing what I’m actuallysaying.
“I don’t let myself depend on anyone.” I clarify, putting my feet flat on the ground to hoist myself up. He stays sitting on the cold kitchen floor, looking up at me.
“You asked me to talk to you.” He argues.
“This isn’t talking.” I motion to where I was just sitting with him. “This is you feeling sorry for yourself. And I understand. I promise. Searching for purpose in the life you’re living is excruciating. It attacks all your insecurities and feeds them. But your purpose in life isn’t making mine better. It can’t be. You’ll always be searching, Oliver. And it’s not finding worth in what youprovideme. Because you’re right, you can’t give me anything that I don’t have. Not materially. And I don’t say that to be conceited. It’s just a fact. I have the money I need. I make my own. I have my own dreams and goals and I’ve been grinding my ass off to get to where I don’t need anyone, not even my parents to make that happen. So I need you to actually hear what I’m saying right now.”
Tears are clawing at the corners of my eyes but I press on, “I will loyally stand in your corner but I will not be an accessory in your life.” I wipe at my left eye to clear the blurred vision.
He stays quiet for the longest time. We both do. So much resting between us.
“We complement each other because our hearts yearn in the same way.” I speak softly, putting everything I can behind the words. I leave him sitting on the floor and head to the spare bedroom. It’s too late to leave and he drove us here.
OLIVER
Iopen the door to Dad’s apartment with one of the spare keys that we all carry. We never asked permission to copy them, but he doesn't complain about us having them either. Mia left my place early enough this morning that I woke up to her already gone. I wanted to go into the spare bedroom last night and tell her that she misunderstood me. But I didn’t because a huge part of me feels exactly the way she was describing.
Eli and Max have been blowing up my phone this morning but I can’t handle talking to them right now. I needed advice on how to not blow my life up more and they would just tell me to be honest with her. I was honest but I failed at communicating exactly what I wanted to. And it set her on full defense.
“I know I should apologize for breaking and entering but I’m not going to.” A voice I didn’t know I needed to hear comes from the other side of the apartment. I finish walking through the open space and turn left to find AJ sitting on the couch with a jar of icing and a lap full of snacks. She looks momentarily surprised to see me then disappointment floods her face.
“You were brutal last night.” I fall on the couch to join her and steal the bag of chips from her lap.
“Don’t compliment me.” She points her spoon at me before taking out another spoonful and eating it. She only eats junk food when she is really in her head about something. “It was nice to see younot get the shit beat out of you. What the hell, Ol?” She throws a bag of gummies at my face.
