CHAPTER 1
SEBASTIAN
For twenty years I’ve been married to the smartest, strongest, most beautiful woman in the world.
And for ten of those years, I’ve been faithfully cheating on her.
I’m not proud of it. God knows I’ve tried to stop. I’ve even succeeded for a few weeks at a time. One time I made it six whole months before going back.
But here I am, slipping into my “going out with the boys” uniform of a polo shirt and worn jeans while the love of my life hums a happy little song as she readies herself for a night of wine, charcuterie, and whatever her latest TV obsession is.
My heart stops at the sight of her in a baggy t-shirt and ass-hugging yoga pants, her hair up in the messy bun she prefers at home. Fucking hell, she’s perfect. Generous curves and a razor-sharp smile, the latter of which she aims at me as she cocks a hip to the side, drawing my eye down to the delicious swell of her hips.
“See something you like, cowboy?”
Reaching for her, I snag her by the waist and yank her to me. She dips her head back, inviting me to touch and taste.
Would she be so accommodating if she knew where I was really headed tonight? If she knew I had a standing Monday night date with another woman?
Shoving aside the guilt those thoughts bring, I capture my wife’s full lips, pouring myself into the kiss as she lets out a soft sigh, wrapping her arms around my neck and clinging to me. She sinks into me, a move so full of love and trust it makes my chest ache.
Not for the first time, I wonder what the fuck I’m doing. Why I’m risking everything, risking this perfect, incredible life I’ve built with this perfect, incredible woman.
But then the kiss ends and I lift my head. Val smiles up at me, her eyes dreamy and unfocused. “You know you don’thaveto go out with the boys tonight.”
I’m tempted to give in. To throw my plans aside and stay here, wrapped up in my stunning wife. “Hmmm.” I return her smile, let it turn teasing. “It’s very naughty of you to tempt me like that right before I leave, wife. I should spank your ass for being such a little cocktease.”
And just like that, I’m reminded why I keep these Monday-night appointments. I watch, disappointment and shame welling inside me as the burning arousal in her eyes dies an instant death.
Her smile tightens at the edges as she steps back, pulling away from me. “You’re right. Go, have fun with the boys. Tell everyone I said hello.”
“Val…”
She waves a hand, batting away whatever I was going to say next. Which is probably for the best because whatcanI say? Sorry for being this way? Sorry you married a man who can’t control his urges? Sorry for making you feel, once again, like you’re not enough when you’re fucking perfect just the way you are?
I can’t say any of that, because I’m a fucking coward and I suspect we both know it.
“It’s fine.” Her words are clipped, sharp little daggers in my heart. “I’m really tired anyway. Go, have fun. I’ll see you when you get home.”
I should stay. Comfort her, be with her, do something,anythingto close the growing divide between us.
But I’m a selfish bastard, so I do none of those things. Bending down, I brush a kiss across her cheek. “I won’t be out too late.”
“Okay.”
“I love you.”
At that, her expression softens just a fraction. “I love you too. Now, shoo, get out of my house so I can go enjoy my hockey boys without you.”
Ignoring the churning of guilt in my gut, I roll my eyes for her sake. “You’d think after ten rounds you’d be tired of that show.”
“Tired of my sexy Russian and his adorable Canadian boy? Bite your tongue, cowboy.”
I give her another kiss before grabbing my coat and heading for the front door.
And try to convince myself the glint I saw in her eyes was a trick of the light and not her desperately trying to hold back tears.
Juniper
