“But then talks progressed from Henry to the owners, and the Violets were serious. Suddenly I was looking at an offer letter when you came home for the holidays…”
“You could’ve warned me, Mom,” I interrupted, caught up on her timeline. I raised my voice on every word I managed through gritted teeth. “I was so excited to stay in Chicago. Ilovethat place, that team, and then in swoops my mom.”
“Nola you don’t own the team.”
“Yes, Olivia, I’m aware. But imagine my surprise when the only conversation I’m having about my future is a conversation saying Ihaveno future. You were never fucked over like that.”
My mom didn’t have to negate anything I was saying because I knew it was true. She played with her draft team for four years before she had me, and had her pick of any team in the league who wanted herthat badlyand could pay the salary to match.
“You know I do whatever I can to not be in yours and Dad’s spotlight. I’ve proven myself game after game, year after year. Everyone knows that—especially you. I get everything Henry said, but I just wish I didn’t get tossed to the side for my mom.
“I-I also wish you were just a normal mom sometimes too,” I whispered, words spilling out of me that I’d never given voice to.
I would always be grateful for my parents, but goddamn, sometimes I thought about what having normal parents was like.
The other side of the phone went silent, my mom either rolling her eyes or, for once, actually listening to me. I heard her take a shaky breath and then she said something I’d only heard her say one other time.
“I’m sorry, Nola.”
When I was in high school, I played one of the roughest games of my life. The opposing team wanted to son me, and I had everything to prove to people who thought I was all talk and no bite. During the third quarter, I got fouled so hard at the topof the arch, my shoulder popped out of socket. The pain was so blinding I dropped to my knees, a scream curled in the center of my chest, jaw clenched. Before I knew it, Olivia was running onto the court faster than the school nurse.
“I’m sorry, baby,” she’d whispered as she popped the joint back in and helped me mobilize it. It was one thing to know my mom was a badass, but for my whole school to see it too?
I shot with my opposite hand, the third time I’d ever tried, and made two out of three shots. Then waited until I got to the hallway to pass out from the adrenaline.
So I know what my mom’s apology means.
I’m sorry I’m hurting you, but get up and move on.
Take this moment and do better.
Cry about it in private.
“Thanks, Mom,” I whispered as I stared out into the ocean.
“You’re going to do great on the Waves, and you’re with Brittney Lee? I’m curious on how you two will do.”
And there goes the shop talk.
Not even five heartbeats and we were back to business. I tried to stifle an exasperated sigh, but it came out my nose and might as well have been hot steam.
“I guess you’ll see when we beat you.”
“Sure, honey.” I could practically see Olivia smiling through the phone.
“I need to go, Mom.”Before you raise my blood pressure againis what I don’t say. “Olive is texting me about spring break, so let me know when you buy her ticket.”
“Will do honey. Love you, bye.” My mom never stuck around to hear I love you back, because she always said she already knew.
This was as good as I was going to get from her, and honestly I thought the battle would be harder to fight. She was throwing her white flag up, and I should be grateful to see it.
But I didn’t have it in me to take her crumbs anymore.
By the time I walked back into the townhouse, I was depleted. As usual, every light was on downstairs while Brittney sat on the couch watching tv. She hadn’t heard me walk in because the volume was so high.
She didn’t know it, but I’d watched her a few times like this. She watched tv the way the women on the reality show wanted, enraptured, sympathetic, disgusted. She was so solidly her; quiet and amused as she watched a small microcosm of society—her words, not mine.
I shuffled my feet off the rug and she turned to me, a small smile on her face like she’d waited for me to come home. But that was a crazy, preposterous thought.
