“You don’t wear glasses?” Were the first words out of my mouth because yes, that was important.
“You’d be disappointed to know I have 20/20 vision.” Brittney stepped to the side to let me in. The first time either of us had entered the other’s space since we got our stuff delivered. Our rooms differed drastically with shelves that hadn’t comewith the apartment, screwed into the walls with knick knacks and stuffed objects. Pictures lined inch of wall space possible, glimpses into a life I knew nothing about other than what she’d put online.
“Yet another thing we’re very much equal in.” I laughed and kicked at nothing on the floor. I hated this bashful, gentle version of myself when I was around her. But it was also the side that gave her the least guarded version of myself, like me being vulnerable helped create space for her to do it too.
Who would’ve thought?.
“I’m assuming this is our big and serious talk.” Brittney flopped onto the bed and I sat at the end. Even though she was in the baggiest clothing imaginable, I still wanted my hands to get lost trying to find all of her. Sitting the furthest I could still didn’t do enough to tamper down my impulsiveness.
“Yes, big, andmaybeserious.”
“Is that a question?”
“I don’t really know, Brittney,” I answered earnestly. “It’d be great if maybe…you went first?”
“I meant it when I said you can call me Bee. I wasn’t just doing that to get on your sister’s good side. But if you’re asking me to go first because you need time to stall, then just say that.”
“I need you to go first because it might help me breathe a little more.”
“Okay.” Bee closed her eyes like she was making a wish. “That was, um, great, and unexpected, but in a way…not? Like please tell me you’ve been feeling something between us? Unless I’m crazy and it’s just been all in my head.”
I nodded before she could even finish the sentence, as if she could see me through her eyelids. Up until tonight, all I could think about was why I felt full and bright whenever we were around each other. I hadn’t felt an ounce of this when I was with my ex. This new territory was overwhelming.
“I feel it all the time,” I whispered, wanting to grab her hands. “Can I ask…why are your eyes closed?”
“Because I’ve trained myself to never say anything incriminating around you again. You seem to have a habit of spilling my guts to the media.” She opened her eyes with a wince. I knew I’d never repent enough for the pain I’d caused her.
“I’m really sorry, Bee.”
“I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. It’s just the truth.”
“I understand.”
“It’s kind of crazy how I beat you six months ago.” Brittney looked away.
“And then we joined the same team two months ago,” I finished.
“And then we didthattwenty minutes ago?” Brittney pointed out the obvious with a smirk I wanted to lick off her face. “And your sister is coming to visitnext week.”
“I know, and she’s going through a lot, with the impending move and being mad at our mom, so Iknowshe wants me to be here with her 24/7.”
“No, trust me I get it. It’s a party of two.”
“But roommates, maybe.” I proposed, eager to gauge her reaction. I wanted her to know I’d rather not close this door on us. But my sister came first. “We’re good as friends and teammates.” I tried to convince myself. “And we should stay that way.”
Brittney held my gaze, her face going unreadable as she said, “Maybe it was just a one-time thing. Something to get out of our systems.”
My stomach rolled at that thought. I didn’t want to agree because I didn’t know if I’d be telling the truth. “Can I ask you a question?”
Bee pulled her knees into her chest, her head resting on top of her knees. “Shoot.”
“What dowefeel like for you?”
She didn’t miss a beat and closed her eyes again. “Well, for one, you quiet everything down in my head when we touch. But between us? It feels like an electric wire is pulling, zapping me when you look at me, sparks flying like two pieces of metal making contact.”
And she thinks this is a one-time thing?
“What about you?” She lobbed back to me.
